Husband Hasn't Slept With Me In A Year: Haven't Slept With My Husband In A Year
Are you missing the sex in your marriage? Are you having trouble remembering the last time you and your husband were intimate? Well, don't worry; you definitely aren't alone in this department. In fact, recent studies have shown that thousands of couples all over the world "suffer" from a sexless marriage and would give anything to learn how to bring back the passion and rekindle the spark in bed. If you want to learn how to bring back the passion in your own marriage, then read on.
There are various reasons as to why marriages end up losing their passion. Through time, some couples may become more interested in other activities and hobbies, for example. Other times, one of the people in the marriage may just lose interest in sex altogether. Then there are some cases, where the couples merely believe that losing interest in sex is all a part of growing up. All of these reasons are quite common. However, if you are already going for too long without sex in your marriage, then you will need to do something to bring back the passion to ensure that you don't end up getting a divorce.
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Remember: sex is vital for your marriage to stay strong and healthy. If you don't have sex, then you may just as well be friends that are living together. If things keep going this way, then one of you might even become dissatisfied in your marriage and end up straying, causing even bigger problems altogether.
There are a lot of different factors that might have scared the sex away from your marriage, as well, such as depression, financial trouble, job issues or having a lot of young children running around the house.
So, how should you go about things, then? Well, for starters, you have to make sure that you aren't being too obvious when you try and bring back the passion by seducing your husband. If your husband senses that you have something up your sleeve, then he might feel like the sex is forced, and this wouldn't be a good thing.
Ideally, you should just start things slow. Create an environment that simulates the first few dates that you went on, for example, and bring back those great memories from your past. This should light up the spark and the passion in your marriage in no time and help you become more intimate once again.
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Sex is one of the gifts God has given to couples to enjoy their marriage and promote the intimacy between them. However, marriage could sometimes experience sexual problems or difficulties that make the partners to be unease. Some of these problems include:
1. Past traumatic sex experience: A woman who has experienced severe pain or trauma during sex in the past (especially as a result of rape or sexual violence) before marriage is likely to suffer from sexual problems when married. She is going to find it very difficult to adapt to sex in her marriage.
2. Disease: Certain diseases can make the act of sexual intercourse a difficult one especially if such disease is not properly treated. Diseases like gonorrhoea could produce pains in males while herpes could cause pains also in females.
3. Lack of privacy: Women particularly don't enjoy sex when privacy is not guaranteed. If there is no adequate privacy provided before sex the woman would find it very difficult to relax during the act and this invariably affects her lubrication and in the long run she is unable to reach orgasm.
4. Alcohol: The use of alcoholic beverage could interfere with sexual enjoyment because alcohol is known to reduce sensation.
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5. Hormones: Certain hormones like oestrogen play some roles in the female to ensure the vagina remains regularly wet; but with the onset of menopause these hormones production may be reduced leading to dryness in the vagina thereby making sex less enjoyable.
6. Misconceptions about sex: Some people grew up with certain misconceptions about sex - that sex is a taboo; that sex should not be enjoyed; that only promiscuous women enjoy sex, etc and when they become married this mindset becomes difficult to change.
7. Anger: This can be energy sapping and could as well make it difficult for one to relax during sex.
8. Psychological problems: One who has some kind of psychological problems would definitely not be in the best state of mind to enjoy sex. Even when such person tries to please the spouse there would be no concentration during the act.
9. Fears: When one nurses fears in him/her it would be difficult also to relax and enjoy coitus.
10. Broken home: One who is a product of a broken home carries with him/her some mental pictures from the parents into marriage and find it difficult to enjoy sex, especially if he/she still nurses a grudge against the parents.
11. Nicotine: This is also known to interfere with blood flow and sexual enjoyment.
12. Bullying/Nagging: When a spouse bullies or nags, the partner loses interest in him/her and this invariably affects their sexual enjoyment.
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Fifty percent of all the marriages that start with pledges of "til death do us part" end in divorce. Many times, the love that a couple thought they had just seems to evaporate leaving either hostile feelings for each other or, at the other extreme, no feelings at all. Many of these marriages break up within the first five years which can lead us to believe that the partners were more in lust with each other than in love in the first place. After all, real love should continue to exist through the good times and the bad. If you're caught in one of these loveless marriages, what are your choices?
It's hard to continue to live with a person that you no longer feel connected to. Even if you have financial obligations and children together, the bond just isn't there any longer. You may wonder if such a failed romance can be rekindled, and the answer is "yes"! It's going to take some work, but it can be done. You need to reestablish lines of communication with each other in order to express your feelings. Try to figure out when you first realized that you no longer loved your spouse. What caused you to feel this way? Talking about these emotions with your spouse can open the way for future negotiation. Always remember that part of the fault is yours.
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Maybe you'd prefer to leave things the way they are and just live with the situation. Many might question why anyone would want to take this route, but the reasons abound. Many times couples try to co-exist for the sake of the children. Don't be fooled, however. Children know when something is wrong, and maintaining your union strictly for their sakes can cause more problems than it solves. People also stay in loveless marriages because they are afraid to try and face life without a partner, because financial pressures don't make it feasible to separate, or just because they don't want to admit that their marriage is a failure.
Staying together does work out for some couples. Communication is still key as you and your spouse attempt to work out an arrangement that will satisfy each partner. Never compare your marriage to anyone elses and let yourself start feeling like they are normal and you are not. Every marriage is as unique as the partners who share it, and what works for others isn't necessarily what's best for you. You will also need to turn your attitude around by concentrating on those qualities that made you hook up with your spouse in the first place instead of dwelling on what you perceive as defects.
Of course, the other option is separation and divorce. Make sure this is really what you want before pursuing this path.
Couples can love one another and yet find themselves drifting apart and headed for a divorce. There are steps you can take, with or without the aid of your spouse to
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If you look at the top five emotional needs of a man, respect and admiration are at the top of the list (or a very close second to sexual intimacy!) Here are some thoughts on respecting your husband and some practical ways to do so.
First and foremost, you must realize that respecting someone often takes making a choice. Someone in a successful, or not so successful, marriage knows that you don't always feel like loving someone, but that love is a choice. Well, respect is a choice, too. Your husband may not always act respectable, but in the same way that you desire him to love you when you aren't so lovable, he desires and needs your respect more than almost anything!
Some ways to show your husband that you respect him are;
*Praise your husband in public and private and in specific ways.
*Do NOT correct him in public. If it's a big deal, mention it later, but if it's not, let it slide.
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*Be careful to talk about your problems with others. This does not mean that you don't talk to anyone if you are struggling, but make sure it is someone who truly cares about you and has you and your husband's best interests at heart.
*Even if you're better at something, let him "run point" on some task and commend him for it. For instance, if you're the better planner, still allow him to dream up what a weekend away or a fun day with the kids might look like and then support him in those ideas!
Experts like Emerson Eggerichs talk about marriages that are trapped in the "crazy cycle." This is a situation where the wife is not feeling loved so she doesn't respect her husband and the husband is not feeling respected or admired, so he doesn't love his wife well. To get out of this cycle, someone has to step out! Respecting your husband will often take making the choice to do so.
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