I Love You

The other day I realized the person I have become is exactly the person I would not have wanted to hang around with before I started my journey. That made me think while the illnesses manifested in my body, the real disease was in my mind that I could not open up to simply being open. You see before cancer I saw people of faith or growing spirituality as being weak. In that they had to rely on something outside of all they had acquired to define who they were. It took me staring into my own mortality to realize how wrong I was, and as I sat in fear I didn’t crave for the toys I had purchased – but instead craved for love. And at that very moment I knew it was a love that I couldn’t buy but a love that I had to earn. It was an internal declaration that started me on a path to freedom. But my path bends and turns and offers false roads of easy hope that occasionally I divert on to in search of the magic answers. I woke up this morning filled with angst – it happened because I took a wrong turn. Instead of being open I had closed off the past few days, falling victim to my own actions. It is an easy road that allows me to stagnate in my own fear. And worse yet I closed off to my real love and found ways to blame the closest person to me for my reaction. At the very base of my soul the one true thing that does push me forward is love. But as a man of many words I find myself unable to describe what that means exactly, except to say that love makes me cry gently at soft moments of closeness, makes me smile at others explorations and victories, and rejoice in knowing I am not alone.rnThe person I had made myself a victim too came to me today and apologized when it is I who should have said sorry to her. Tonight I shall start on the process not of making amends, but of making love. Sorry is a tactic of delay, love is an action of purity. I close to her with 2 quotes. Jarod Kintz once wrote “The mouth is made for communication, and nothing is more articulate than a Kiss.” And my favorite is from the Argentinian writer Julio Cortazar. “Come sleep with me: we won’t make Love, Love will make us.” Namaste my friends, I hope you find the love you want today too