I WON’T Feel Your Pain!

n.b. This article was originally published in the author's weekly Column in the Crossmaglen Examiner newspaper. The Column is called 'The Head Examiner'.

Isn’t it great to be alive? Tell me, what do you think of the phrase ‘The Head Examiner’? It’s certainly catchy. It may raise a wee smile. It took a while to come up with, and it’s a nice pun on the name of this newspaper. Lately though I have come to realise that there is one obvious limitation in it, and that is the use of the word ‘Examiner’. It doesn’t really say what I do.

To examine something means to inspect something closely, to investigate or analyse, in order to gain insight. Now that is grand for a newspaper, but when it comes to people’s problems, insight is only half the battle. Action is also required. Given that NLP (and Hypnotherapy) is basically a ’Toolbox for Life’, I can’t help feeling that ‘The Head Mechanic’ might be a more accurate title. A mechanic also examines and analyses. But that’s only half his job. A good mechanic then takes immediate action to fix the problem. That’s why you find yourself a good mechanic. One you can trust.

Lots of people ask me “What exactly do you do?” Well the short answer is “I fix broken people”. Often they are not broken at all, they just think they are. Most times people are just in need of a service (a change of filters; check the brakes; change the oil etc.) and an engine tune. And it’s amazing the difference a service and tune-up will make in terms of performance.

But what difference does all the choice of word make? Well, one thing that absolutely puts lots of people off ‘Therapy’ is the belief that it is all talk and no action. Spilling your inner turmoil to some ‘nodding-dog’ Therapist who says they ‘feel your pain’, but offer no solutions, no techniques or strategies for dealing with it. Did you ever laugh watching The Sopranos when Tony would lose the head (again) when his therapist asks him (again) ‘And how does that make you feel? Well, I’m with Tony on this one.

As a Therapist, I will always respect, and honour, the feelings of a Client. I will empathise and sympathise, but I can state one thing categorically. I WILL NOT FEEL YOUR PAIN. That is not my job. It is certainly not the reason why people choose to pay me their hard-earned money. They pay me to help them. To fix the problem. So, I will not share your pain. What I WILL do is to help you define it; understand it; accept it; cope with it; deal with it; and GET RID of it.

I simply do not see the point of getting people to re-run or re-live an episode of their lives, unless you intend to show them how to take action for themselves.

Most of us have self-limiting beliefs. It may be because of a past traumatic episode, or it may seem silly and insignificant. Believe me, if it stops you from doing or achieving anything, it is not insignificant. We all have things we can’t bring ourselves to do. Often we tell ourselves we do not WANT to do them, we don’t WANT to try something new. Deep down we know we are only trying to kid ourselves. But we put off sorting it out, because we think it’s only us; because we are a bit embarrassed; because we don’t know where to go; because we have ‘learned to live with it’.

Well I can tell you now (from my own experience, and that of several hundred other Quest-trained Therapists)… it’s NOT just you. Whatever it is, lot’s of people have exactly your issue; you have nothing to feel embarrassed about; there IS somewhere you can go; and if you are fed-up with having to ‘live with it’, you can be free of it.

So, if you have a niggling self-doubt or fear, you can soldier on, as you have done for years. You will have developed coping mechanisms. I sincerely say, well done. You will probably be an expert at avoiding whatever it is that pushes your buttons. Or you can decide that this is the time to take bold action, and sort it out once and for all. If now is the right time for you, give me a ring. I won’t feel your pain – but I might just help you to get rid of it. The choice, as ever is yours. Thank You for listening!

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PLAINLY POSITIVEr
This Course is FULLY BOOKED. I have to say it has been a pleasure so far, and we have a great mix of men & women of all ages. We got a lot of the foundations in last time so this week the fun stuff starts…