If You Fail with Your Relationships Time and Again, Isn’t It Time to Develop Your Self-Awareness?

At times, when you find yourself failing – once again! - to develop a successful intimate relationship, you may think about developing your Self-Awareness and get a hold on the ways in which you sabotage your relationships. But then, do you feel motivated to doing so out of belief in the merit of Self-Awareness, or as last resort?

WHEN SHOULD YOU BEGIN DEVELOPING YOUR SELF-AWARENESS?

The development of Self-Awareness assures self-growth, self-empowerment and an ability to develop a successful and satisfying relationship. Even so, many begin to seriously contemplating developing Self-Awareness only when they have reached the point of being totally at a loss regarding their upsetting relationship-situation and feel they must do something to change it. It is then that they begin searching for answers and solutions in a way they haven’t attempted before.

Pursuing the Development of Self-Awareness usually happens when you are too disillusioned and frustrated about your continuous failures to develop a satisfying relationship and you begin to wonder what’s going on.

This usually happens after you have probably tried multiple ways to find a partner and develop a satisfying relationship: you might have read books on relationships, may have attended a few workshops, searched relationship-advice tips on dating and relationships, was present on the dating-scene, wrote and shaped a wonderful profile, enrolled on various internet sites, chatted with others and met them, even begun some relationships – but have experienced more failures than successes.

Turning to develop your Self-Awareness usually happens too when you run out of excuses trying to explain the reasons for your failures:

* Is it really so that your partners are always the ones to blame?

* That you just haven’t met your “soul-mate” yet?

* That “you didn’t give it your best try”?

* That you were too “selective”?

It is then, when you fail time and again and run out of reasons to explain and justify your failures that you have no other choice but to wonder whether there is anything wrong with you, which prevents you from succeeding in developing an intimate relationship. The time has come to find out what’s really is going on, you tell yourself.

QUESTIONS TO ASK YOURSELF

This is when you begin to be motivated to take a careful look at yourself (rather than putting the blame on others!) and find out whether there is anything you haven’t known about yourself until now:

* Could it be that you harmed your relationships without knowing that you did?

* Could it be that others (who you were dating) saw you in different ways than the one you see yourself?

* Could it be that you behaved in ways which caused others to feel irritated, be angry at you, annoyed, frightened, humiliated, and so on?

You would have rather NOT look inwards and ask yourself these questions, but you know this is the only way to finally get a hold on whatever goes on with your failed relationships. The last failed relationship; the last partner who left you; the last time your heart broke to pieces; the latest disastrous fight you had with your partner before he/she “vanished” - was the straw which broke the camel’s back. And you know it’s time to develop your Self-Awareness and understand what’s going on.

YOU HAVE NO OTHER CHOICE BUT TO DEVELOP YOUR SELF-AWARENESS

You have no other choice: it’s either to develop Self-Awareness and get a grip on whatever it is that’s causes you to fail in your relationships, or continue with this terrible and tiring path of one disappointment after another, one disillusionment after the next, one failure and yet another one. You know this path by heart. You’ve traded it a thousand and one times.

It is then that you begin to take some time (“only some time”, you tell yourself!) to get to understand things you haven’t understood and realized until now. If developing Self-Awareness is the only way to move forward, you tell yourself, then well, you’ll attempt going this way, assuring yourself that you can stop any time you want; any time it’ll begin to be too frightening; any time you’ll feel it’s going nowhere.

BEGINNING THE SELF-AWARENESS PROCESS

So you begin the process. Maybe you read a book (or two) about Self-Awareness. Maybe you talk with a relationship therapist. Maybe you share things with a good friend.

You tell yourself you need to be open to what you find out about yourself. That you need to pay attention to what you discover and not reject and deny it right away (as you might have done in past situations).

You tell yourself that developing your Self-Awareness may be “just another way” to find out how to succeed in developing a satisfying relationship. A new way you haven’t tried before. Another way to receive yet one more tip or two.

You begin the process with doubts. You ask yourself what you’ll eventually get out of it. You approach it with suspicion, fear and annoyance. Will it or will it not provide you with the answers to what you are seeking? Will it or will it not enable you to finally succeed having an intimate relationship?

You repeat telling yourself you have no other choice. Embarking on developing your Self-Awareness is like entering the twilight zone. You hope the morning light will soon shine upon you.

BELIEVE IN THE PROCESS!

As long as you are persistent enough in looking inwards, courageous enough to acknowledge and accept what you find out about the ways in which you shot yourself in the foot in relationships, the Self-Awareness that you’ll develop will place you on the right track to change whatever needs change and empower you to cultivate a successful and satisfying intimacy.