If You’ve Got This Power, Your Relationship Will Flourish!

I have observed while working with many thousands of people on strengthening their relationships that those that flourish have certain characteristics in common. One of the characteristics they share is that they have developed the power of innocence.

What does being innocent mean to you? Maybe you think of a child? Or someone who is not worldly wise? Or maybe someone in a court of law who has been tried and found not guilty?

In the context of relationships, I consider ‘being innocent’ to mean that you accept that you can never know everything there is to know about someone else. You do not have all the information about them, and thus you are innocent. Once you realize and accept this, you can become open to always seeking to learn more.

Imagine that your partner fails to call you when he said he would. How would you react? Many people make an assumption about what has happened, then act as if that was true. However, if you act with the power of innocence, you accept that you cannot know what has happened. There are countless possibilities. If you can behave innocently towards him when he does contact you, by not attacking him, then he does not feel the need to defend himself against your attack. He will feel comfortable to open himself up to you, and you will gradually get to know him from your own experience and understanding.

Imagine if he makes a statement about a topic that you feel is wrong. If you tell him he is wrong, he then defends himself and attacks back, leading to an argument. If you live at the level of innocence, you accept that you do not have all the information, and thus should never tell him that he is wrong. Each of us views the world through the filter of our own perspective, and each of us thinks we are right. By asking him to explain further about his perspective on the topic, with the intent of learning more about him rather than looking for ways in which to prove him wrong, you deepen your understanding of him. As you absorb him, you deepen his feeling of being heard and understood and accepted by you, and your relationship is strengthened.

Don’t judge him and find him guilty. Accept both him and yourself as always innocent, and you will add speed to your journey to a Blissful Relationshipn