Increasing Your Positive Interactions with Your Spouse

Increasing Your Positive Interactions with Your SpousernIt’s imperative that a couple have many more positive interactions to counteract the inevitable difficult times and negative interactions. A relationship is similar to a bank account. You can’t take money out unless you’ve made deposits into the bank. Think of your positive interactions as deposits and the negative interactions as withdrawals. Purposely concentrate on increasing your positive interactions in order to improve your marriage. What Constitutes a Negative Interaction? Negative interactions can cover a wide range of behaviors. Any time you snap at your spouse, react irritability, yell, or criticize, it counts as a negative interactions. Negative interactions don’t only include what you say, but also your gestures. Sighing, rolling your eyes, or any other body language can express your disapproval. Other negative interactions include those times that you hurt your spouse’s feelings unintentionally. These include times when your spouse is upset by what you aren’t doing. This might include your spouse feeling like you aren’t supportive enough, don’t show enough affection, or aren’t acting in a loving way. It’s inevitable that you will let your spouse down and hurt your spouse’s feelings at some point during the marriage. Make an Effort to Focus on the Positive First Each day, make effort to focus on the positive aspects of your lives together. Take notice of what sort of mood you are in when you talk to your spouse or when you reunite after being apart during work and other activities. Do you only call your spouse at work to complain or when there’s a major problem? If your spouse is used to getting phone calls at work to remind him that he needs to put the toilet seat down, he may appreciate the occasional call just to say you love him. When you and your spouse see each other after being separated due to work, do you immediately bombard each other with problems? Do you discuss being behind on the bills, how the kids didn’t listen, and how frustrated you are by your commute before talking about what is going well? If so, switch the focus. Make an effort to talk about some positive things first before diving into discussions about problems. It can make it much more pleasant to greet each other after a long day. When you must confront your spouse about an issue or a problem, talk about the positive first. Instead of immediately jumping to, “You don’t help out enough around the house,” discuss what things are going well and what you do appreciate. Then discuss what you want to be different. It is important to pay attention to those things that are going well rather than ignoring the good and only focusing on the bad. Schedule Fun Activities Date nights and fun activities together don’t just magically appear. It is important to schedule some fun activities together. This can give you something to look forward to, which can be very beneficial for your relationship. Also, marking it on the calendar can increase the likelihood that you’ll follow through. Taking time to schedule fun activities together can make sure that you spend quality time together. It can also help you strike a healthier balance in life where you might be tempted to work too much and not have enough fun. Try and talk about what a realistic schedule for fun activities could be. For example, some couples may be able to find weekly time together while another couple might find a once a month date night is more realistic. Offer more Compliments than Criticisms Provide your spouse with praise and compliments. It can be easier for many couples to offer one another criticism but they forget to point out the good. Make sure to tell your spouse the things you appreciate, enjoy, and love. This can help your spouse feel better and it can also increase the likelihood that those things will continue to happen.