Instant Gratification vs. a Long term Strategy… what’s best? PART I

Instant rewards and instant healing has a much nicer ring to it, then the words combined; LONG – TERM. However if waiting that particular extended time will further HELP in the long run it stirs the question if waiting is more worthwhile. But how do you determine what works best for you?

When associating this with Divorce, 99% of People want to get out of their pain as soon as they possibly can and get on with their life. They want any existing void or despair that has crept into their heart to be removed. But removing pain and despair is not connected to AVOIDING it. It is so important to guard yourself against hiding behind different issues, for example, your work, your children or other people’s problem’s as an excuse for not facing your own. This will result in not healing from your divorce. Diversion and keeping yourself busy with other things will not help you in any way it will only further multiply the time it will take to heal.

Deflecting never brings satisfaction. Your issues may have been avoided for a time but all the while they will bubble under the surface until eventually they boil over the top and burn more than it ever should have if you had first confronted the issues.

Therapy and traditional healing practices have based their disciplines on the premise that you need time to heal.

“Long term strategy” The concept of needing time to heal is consequently so ingrained in our society that challenging this notion is usually met with an extraordinary amount of resistance and in some cases even anger or dismissal. The thought of healing quickly feels fake, shallow or unbelievable and could be misconstrued as a trivialization of the healing process.

This is an understandable reaction, especially from people who have experienced such dramatic heartache and taken an extraordinary time to heal in those circumstances, but it raises my question or perhaps my opinion that it doesn’t NEED to take a LONG time to emotionally heal, not if the problem is faced correctly and strategically. As I have said before I do not believe TIME HEALS ALL WOUNDS… Time simply passes by, it’s what we do with our lives while the time is passing that either helps us, heals us or locks us in our past.

What happens with a lot of people when they take time to heal is they become complacent, resigned and in reality… lazy. Over time the urgency to take action dissipates. And people can become desensitized to their situation and tend to “settle” for certain ways or habits, and tolerate more than they should or ever would have if they had first taken action pro actively. Because if you live with something for so long, you can become “used to it” and no longer feel the urgency to take any action because you know you can withstand it as you’ve proved so far, so why change it now, why bother?

This kind of desensitized attitude is the danger in a long term strategy, it is not an accurate way in overcoming and dealing with that heartache you long to defeat.

However A long term strategy if correctly dealt with, does not need to be a negative thing. If you are making movement towards healing and dealing with your emotions but simply taking an extended time to do so, each to his own, and more power to you for knowing what works for you.

You just need to make sure that if you like taking your time to heal that it is not just an excuse for lingering in your self-pity. It is necessary to grieve and allow yourself to heal by all means! In fact it is vital that you do, but it is essential you ensure that it is just a selected time and not elongated, therefore distracting you from your need to move on.

Stay tuned for PART II…

Till next time!

Lots of hugs,
Adele