Intimacy Tips for Moms and Dads

If you have kids at home, it's highly likely that you and your mate have to schedule in and make plans for special time for you two to be alone. This may vary depending on your lifestyle and the ages of your kids. It's quite possible that at a certain point in your lives, you and your partner stopped being two people in a love relationship and began to primarily be “mom” and “dad.” There's absolutely nothing wrong with being a mom or a dad. And it's wonderful to nurture, love and have fun with your kids. At the same time, in order for your relationship with your partner to thrive, you two need to stay connected and close-- as more than just co-parents. You might wistfully think back to a less hectic time in your life together when the passion you felt for one another could be expressed freely and more openly. This might have involved intimate connecting such as lovemaking and it could also more everyday interactions. There was probably more opportunity to be passionate with one another and really tune into how alive and excited you each were to be together as a couple. When you had children, that passion for each other might have been put on the back-bu er as the care and upbringing of your kids took precedence. You might still be in the phase of life where your kids require a lot of your attention, time and energy. We assert to you that it is still possible-- and that it's vital-- for you and your partner to bring back that spark and passion. Not only will your relationship benefit from an infusion of passionate connecting, your entire family will as well. After all, you are modeling for your children what a love relationship can be like. You are showing them what it can mean to be respectful, affectionate and tuned in with your partner. You will also probably be a more relaxed, happy and fulfilled person which will undoubtedly spill over into your parenting! Hopefully the message that you are sending to your kids is that moms and dads are more than just moms and dads. If it seems like there just aren't enough hours in the day or week to have those special times with your mate, create time. Many couples set aside regular “date nights” for themselves. Find friends or family who are willing to provide child care for your family while you are on your date. One group of families we know formed a sort of child care cooperative. They all know and trust one another and their kids all get along reasonably well. They've set up a system where they take turns watching one another's kids so that each couple has a chance to go on regular dates. You can also create dates for yourself and your mate without having to worry about childcare. Some couples periodically stay up after the kids have been put to bed for the night and dance to some quiet romantic music, cuddle up and watch a movie together on the couch or make love, perhaps in a different way than usual. nnMake a passio “to do” list. One tip about date nights is to keep them exciting and adventurous. It can be comfortable to get into a routine of cuddling up for a movie late each Saturday night for example. There's nothing wrong with this, but it's also fun to mix up your usual mode of interacting. For example, you might go for a walk together in a park and hold hands talking-- about topics other than your kids. Sit down with your partner and make up a passio “to do” list. This isn't a wish list that you'll maybe get to when your life is less busy or your kids are older. This is a “to do” list-- just as important as giving baths and doing laundry. Allow your imaginations to run wild! What are some things you'd like to do but perhaps haven't had the courage to try? It might range from roller blading to experimenting with role play during lovemaking. If you find yourself crossing ideas off your list because you think “that would never fit into our lives” or “we could never do that,” ask yourself if you are open and interested in the passionate connecting activity. Is this something that sounds enjoyable and would help move the two of you closer together as a couple? If your answer is “yes,” then leave it on the list. nnMake a commitment to carrying out your “to do” list. Create an agreement with your mate that you two will have regular date nights and that you will choose activities from your passio “to do” list. Set specific time parameters for this. You might agree to have weekly date nights and that twice a month on your date night you will arrange child care so that you can go out if you choose to. You might also agree that you will try at least two activities from your list each month. Be sure that you are agreeing to an arrangement that feels doable to you both. Have fun with this and allow yourselves to get carried away with the passion and connecting that can result!