Is Leaning In and Doing More Really The Answer?

The vast majority of working women today want a more realistic way to achieve success.

They are currently America’s most famous female executives. Marissa Mayer, Yahoo’s CEO and Facebook COO Sheryl Sandberg are today's biggest role models on juggling business and family. Both are wives and mothers of young children and competing for their attention is nothing less than leadership of two of the biggest tech companies in the world.

No small feat and we congratulate and appreciate them for encouraging women to stay in the game and aim for more. They are positive and powerful role models whose have-it-all lives have put the workplace debate back in the national spotlight.

Yet ironically, their positions of wealth and accomplishment are the very things that disconnect them from the realities of life for the vast majority of working women today.

The Women’s Code speaks to that majority, and provides a more realistic and achievable code of behavior to achieve career success and personal contentment-- without having wealth and privilege. It is for those of us remarkable, ambitious, hardworking women with dreams of wanting it all, too, only our journey has different twists and turns.

Mayer is taking heat for her new corporate policy that eliminated telecommuting. Yahoo employees who worked from home, many raising children, had to return full-time to the office or resign. Mayer’s old school approach, say industry insiders, fosters innovation and collaboration but morale has taken a nosedive.

Mayer’s critics claim she also set a bad precedent when she took only two weeks maternity leave, signaling to other employers to expect unreasonable hours from working mothers. Reports about the expensive baby nursery Mayer built for her five-month-old son right next to her executive suite did not endear those of us who struggle with work-life balance without the layers of support staff these women are able to employ. Even if Mayer paid for it out of her own pocket, it hardly makes a difference in the way other mothers feel about this privilege of having your baby right there with you.

Sandberg has been stirring controversy with her new book: Lean In: Women, Work, and the Will to Lead. I have mixed feelings about this. She writes that more women need to be in leadership (very true!) and to take charge of their careers, and not be afraid to “lean in” to the challenges of managing a career and family. But she places the responsibility to get to the top almost entirely on women themselves, going as far to suggest that we shouldn’t need a mentor.

It makes me weary just thinking about that as most professional women I know struggle with too much to do as it is without feeling the extra weight of having to climb the career ladder without help.

What’s the big deal about asking for—and getting—help? What’s so noble about doing everything alone? I built my business that way, and raised my daughter alone, and it nearly landed me in the hospital—both for physical and psychological ailments. Giving and getting support—the kind you don’t have to pay for--is a main theme in The Women’s Code and it is actually a secret to getting ahead, confirms a recent New York Times article.

Rather than leaning in, women today need tools, support, and guidance on how to build up their confidence so that they can be powerful, balanced, happy, and lead in their own unique style. They need to learn how to collaborate, rather than compete with each other. In short, women need to be allies, not enemies.

In a world where most women constantly feel that they’re not doing enough, wouldn’t it be a huge relief to know there is help out here? The Women’s Code helps overworked and overwhelmed women who want a better work-life balance, more success, and a happier life. Women who want to transform the way they work, live and play and who a searching for a clear roadmap. Please share your thoughts on this hot topic. I want to know how you feel about this one way or another.