How to Deal with Conflict In A Conscious Relationship

Conflict is a fact in every partnership. We hear jokes about relationship conflicts constantly. People will always have differences in habits and opinions. The key is how we deal with those conflicts. Here are two key ways to increase closeness and connection through these conflicts.

Many times in a relationship, what we’re arguing about isn’t the real issue at all. You’ve got stuff going on. You said something that maybe hurt your partner’s feelings. They pulled away a little bit so you feel little abandoned. So you withdraw a little bit, and then your connection’s a little bit lost or diminished. And the sense of trust has gotten sort of diminished as well.

It can be easy to just trudge through this place of disconnection and hopefully using good communication skills you get to a place where you feel seen and heard and cared for. Quite honestly, that’s what conscious people do a good portion of the time.

But sometimes you can get to a place where you just say, “All right, time out. Let’s just sit down. Look into each other’s eyes. Take a deep breath. Soften our eyes, soften our bellies, relax our tension, open our hearts, and just connect.” Most of the time, the issue will dissolve because it really was about connection. If there is something that has a little bit of weight, you’re now in a place to listen to each other more and take in what the other has to say. Your hearts are going to be a little more open, and so there’s probably less chance for feeling blamed or criticized. Here’s an opportunity to break through the conflict, the defenses, and “I” rights.

This place becomes a compliment. You’re saying, “It’s so painful for me to not feel connected with you that I’m more concerned about feeling connected again than being right.” It’s a beautiful thing.

Acceptance is the road to understanding.

Often you tend to think, “I need to understand in order to accept” or “I need to understand before I’ll accept.” This is the tribal mind, where you need to keep safe from something that seems different or outside of what you know and understand. It was the idea of shoot first, ask questions later. Today we say, “I need to get as much informatio
I can and understand the best I can before I can accept.” But this is coming from the mind, a limited, linear place. You’ve got to get past our inner filters the come from the mind because any understanding from there will be conditional acceptance.

In a spiritual relationship context, there’s a better way. It’s saying “I’m going to choose to approach life and my partner with love and with acceptance and with an open heart. That’s going to allow me to take in more information because I’m more connected coming from an open heart. I’m going to have more understanding as well.”

Since you’re more present, you’re more open-hearted and more connected, you feel safer to make choices that best serve you. The idea of acceptance as the road to understanding is that shift from the tribal mind to the spiritual mind.

Approach your partner with a sense of curiosity, “Wow, I wonder what they’re doing?” There’s openness and playfulness in that approach. You’re much more likely to connect than if you charge in with judgments and criticism which is closed energy. Curiosity is an opportunity for learning because there might be a good reason that you don’t know about. That’s an opportunity to become closer and more connected.

Spiritual partnerships are deeply grounded in acceptance and connection. Using these two principles, you’re conflicts become an opportunity for greater fulfillment and joy in your relationship.