Sometimes a marriage comes to the point where you are truly considering whether or not it’s worth it to stay in the marriage. But, it’s important that you don’t act too quickly. Marriage is more than just two people in love; it’s also a legal contract that should sometimes be held up just because of the legalities and the promise. If there is no adultery, abuse, or addiction – and even sometimes if there is adultery and addiction – then there is usually no real reason for divorce to happen. But, it’s up to you to say whether or not your marriage is worth saving.
Ask yourself these important questions and answer them truthfully when deciding if your
marriage is worth saving at all.
Do You Still Have Sexual Chemistry?
If you and your spouse still have sexual chemistry it can be a sign to keep trying. But, you need to analyze the sexual chemistry to ensure that there is more there. Does your heart swell when you see your spouse? Do you think they’re attractive even when they look their worse? Have you allowed your resentment and anger get in the way of those feelings? If you try to let go of the resentment and anger, can you overcome it?
Do You Still Get Along?
Even if you’re considering divorce, how do you and your spouse get along? Do you have a situation where you just tolerate them or do you actually have a friendly relationship? Take a day to see how you feel when you’re around your spouse. Is it hard to be in the same room with them? Is it simple? How do you really feel about being with them day in and day out? Is there a way to overcome the resentment and get along?
Do You Still Feel Comfortable in Your Home?
How do you feel about your home environment? Do you still feel comfortable in your bedroom, living room, office, etc…? If not, why not? Can you close your eyes and imagine living elsewhere? When you do imagine that how do you see everything? Who is with you and where are you when you imagine yourself elsewhere?
Are You Still Passionate About Something?
Outside of your spouse and your home, how do you feel about the life you live? Do you still love your job? Do you have something that you like to do that is separate from your spouse? What if you’re passionate about something together with your spouse? Will you feel comfortable continuing that activity without them? Will you be able to find something else to do?
How Do You Feel About Your Stuff?
What about your co-owned stuff will you be able to live without? How do you feel about having to liquidate everything you own in order to break up the marriage? Who will take the children? Who will take the pets? Who will take the tea set that was given to you on your wedding day? What will you sell or keep? How would you feel if you cannot keep any of it, including your house and car?
Are Either of You Involved in an Affair?
It can be very hard to get over an affair. But, if the person who cheated really wants the marriage to work, and has a lot of regret about the affair, the truth is you can overcome infidelity. A one-time cheating incident cannot derail an otherwise happy marriage. While you may feel super hurt right now, the truth is, don’t allow an affair to be the only reason for a divorce. Outside of adultery you need other problems to make a good decision about divorce.
Do Either of You have An Addiction?
If one of the reasons you’re considering divorce has to do with either one of you having an addiction then you may want to reconsider. Perhaps you should seek professional help to assist you over the addiction and to help repair your relationship instead of getting a divorce? Tried that already? Then perhaps divorce is the answer. But, do be sure to try everything before giving up.
Do Either of You Participate in Abuse?
The one time there is a no second change zone is when there is abuse in the relationship. However, if abuse was not present for a number of years, and then someone becomes abusive it’s important to ensure that the abuser gets a full physical to ensure that they don’t have some kind of illness developing. Outside of that, get a divorce when there is abusive behavior. It’s the only way to be sure it won’t happen again.
Are You Willing to Do Anything It Takes to Stay Together?
When you seriously consider the potential of getting a divorce does that sound worse than whatever you need to do in order to stay together? To stay together you’re going to need to seriously work on the relationship and change the dynamics of the relationship. Sometimes, it might be a one sided thing for a while until you break down the guard of the other spouse with hard work, love and patience.
You have to be willing to ask yourself the hard questions when you are considering a divorce. The question of whether or not your marriage is worth saving can only be answered after giving it a lot of thought, and actually trying to save your marriage. Going through the steps to save it, might show that you can’t save it. But, it just might show you that your marriage actually is still worth saving.