Is Your Wife Falling Out of Love With You?

It's a tough place to be. When love and a deep connection are not shared, the feelings of emptiness, anger and frustration take over and your ability to function in other roles suffer. ⦁ Why did she fall out of love? ⦁ Who changed? You or her? ⦁ Was there a specific event that brought about her withdrawal of affection? ⦁ Was it sudden? ⦁ Could you sense something was not right over some months or even years? ⦁ Can you actually make your wife love you again? Maybe we can… It’s complicated I probably don’t have to tell you that these gorgeous creatures, whose affections we crave and shared intimacy we covet, are complicated beings. Women think emotionally and usually act on those emotions. Their feelings rule. And it’s not uncommon for a woman to bundle several feelings in together and display the resulted conclusion in a manner that seems totally illogical, inconsistent and out of context. For us males, although we have and display feelings, we act and re-act pragmatically. We are able to recognize and isolate a situation, and then we decide quickly– do I fix it, do I ignore it, or do I run from it? Problem solved?! Maybe not always but we can move onto the next thing and re-focus. Recognizing something that is not right Even though we are the more pragmatic of the species, we can still sense or feel when something is not right. Women have a habit of not always expressing how they feel to their partners, rather choosing to withdraw physically and emotionally from you and expecting you to play ‘join the dots’, which can suck you into ongoing attempts to expose the problem, “Is there anything wrong?” When you sense that all or something is not well with your wife, and you ask the question, “Is there anything wrong?” and her response is a short, sharp, “I’m fine.” She is not! Don’t badger her. Let her be One of the greatest, and first tell-tale signs that all is not well, is the withdrawal of physical intimacy. Spontaneous encounters cease to exist. Nothing is instigated by her any more. She limits the opportunities, even when you may have planned to woo your prey and set the perfect scene. Withdrawal of affection is a gut wrenching feeling to deal with, whilst raising a red flag that there is something very wrong. You may feel she has fallen out of love with you, but is it a temporary thing? Is there something distracting her? Are there issues outside of your relationship that you are unaware of, that she is having to deal with? Unless she has told you outright that the flame has flickered out, and the love she had for you is gone, let’s assume there is something you can do to bring her back. Don’t Try to Fix It! Our DNA still carries traces of our ancient ancestors.rnThe men would hunt, protect and provide the seed to continue generations of the clan. The women gave birth to those generations, nurtured, cooked and provided a comfortable living environment.rnThere was no confusing of the roles. Males and females knew what they had to do individually and as a team to survive and thrive. Today’s society is so different, yet our DNA ensures we, males, go into default mode when a threat presents or a problem needs fixing. In the 21st Century, the lines have blurred.rnI won’t try and explain in detail how men are now expected to behave, and what we are meant to feel, but it is definitely at odds with the very essence of our being. Although our unconscious response, when faced with a problem, is ‘fix it’, today’s ‘Super Women’ don’t want that. If you believe that she has fallen out of love with you or her feelings have waned, subtlety and observation are the keys to winning her back. Who changed? (a personal story) Displaying great neediness is a no no. Women lose respect quickly for a man who ramps up efforts to dive into their psyche and draw out those inner most feelings or shows signs of emotional weakness himself. Although, as I said, the roles have been blurred, our ancestral DNA still exists, and a man who gets on with life, shows an outer will to keep moving and achieving is still attractive to a woman. I watched this with two close friends not too long ago.rnThings began to cool in their once passionate relationship because he had decided that the his successful and lucrative career path was no longer his ‘thing’. She remained focused on her career and encouraged him to move forward with her. He was no longer contributing to the ‘tribe’ yet expected her feelings toward him to remain strong. She began to withdraw from him and he became needier, financially and emotionally. The more he tried to engage her, whilst he searched for himself and his purpose, the worse it got. The relationship ended. He proclaims to be a happy ‘drifter’, whilst she has gone to strength to strength professionally and a new relationship with a man who has goals in common with hers. What you can do So, one of the first things to do if you if you want your wife to love you again, is take a good look at yourself and work out if you are showing any signs of change that has depleted her feelings for you. Are you unhappy at work? Have you changed physically? Is a new pastime or hobby taking up more of your attention? Have you taken her for granted as you became used to each other? Self-assessment is one of the most useful and powerful tools we all possess, but rarely have the courage to implement. You can never change anyone else, but you can change yourself The most frustrating thing in a cooling relationship, and in this case, you are still in love with her, but she may not be, is by thinking we can actually change the way someone thinks, acts and feels. Sadly, that is almost mission impossible. As I said earlier, we go into our default mode of ‘Problem Solver’. I have been guilty of it, and it does not work.rnWhen it becomes apparent that she may have fallen out of love, turn the tables by asking a question that could open her up to you, but you have to be prepared for the answer – good, bad or ugly. “Darling, I feel there is something different between us. I’d really love to know if you think I have changed?”rnYou have acknowledged there is an issue. You have shown, albeit subtly, that she is still your love by using a term of endearment that she is used to hearing from you. You are asking her for an opinion, women are born to provide opinions and then you show strength by asking her to critique you. You are willing to hear the worst, you are willing to find out what she may not like about you or what you are doing. And when she responds, let her speak.rnDo not object, butt in, deny…just listen, and listen actively. Answer any questions she poses to you honestly. This one question could open her up and allow a flow of dialogue that starts to mend the bridges that she thought were broken and instill the most important factor that forms the basis of any loving relationship – respect – allow her to re- discover her respect for you. She may even surprise you and share her own internal issues, an admission that maybe she has changed. If you have the courage and want to make her love you again, look first for the changes you need to make by finding out what they are from the woman you love.