Just Me and My Shadow...

"The shadow, which is in conflict with the acknowledged values, cannot be accepted as a negative part of one's own psyche and is therefore projected--that is, it is transferred to the outside world and experienced as an outside object. It is combated, punished, and exterminated as 'the alien out there' instead of being dealt with as one's own inner problem"
—Erich Neumann (psychologist), Depth Psychology and a New Ethic

Erich Neumann, one of Carl Jung’s greatest students, had a way of describing our human relationship to the shadow that speaks to me with a deep, penetrating twist of the nipple. I hated it when kids tweaked my nipple. I’m not sure whether it was because I associated nipples with a sexuality that I was not yet connected with or if it was just the discomfort, but it created a strong urge within me to seriously hurt the tweaker. I mean, seriously hurt, too. I wanted to destroy them.

Where did this animalistic rage come from? I was a quiet boy, full of ideas and fantasies about space exploration, extra-terrestrials and designing underground homes built into the sides of mountains. Yet, there were these moments when my anger seemed to boil over the rim and splash out onto the stove. The sensation was startling, confusing and most important, had nowhere to go. I couldn’t conceivably act on these impulses to maim the other kids. I was a skinny lad with sensitive tendencies; I was conveniently described in little league as a “late bloomer.”

So, what happened to this splattering rage? Where did the fantasy of destruction and annihilation go? As Neumann concluded, we humans have a tendency of dealing with negative manifestations from within the psyche through the familiar mechanism of scapegoating. It is this disconnected feeling of inferiority and the animalistic rage of our primal selves that is projected upon our scapegoats and in the end, is destroyed (usually emotionally and psychologically, not so much physically) with the person upon whom we project. It is a convenient little contraption that we have created to deal with the unsavory elements of our personalities.

While this may be somewhat familiar to you, it is more likely that it is highly unconscious behavior and may even sound preposterous to others. That’s ok. It is simply something to consider as a possibility, a “what if.”

What if my shadow is SO ugly to me that I have to find others to blame for it? What if my fantasy of acting out is SO scary that I feel the need to focus on those around me who are actually acting it out already?

However, what if I could work on acknowledging more than the “nice” parts of my being so as to create a more balanced, honest relationship with my Self and therefore with others?

We have all done it, no doubt for a variety of reasons. Projecting onto others is a way of life for some folks. What doesn’t occur very often, though, is conscious ownership and responsibility for our behavior when we put off onto others that which we are uncomfortable feeling in ourselves!