KARMA Ancient Idea for Today’s Parent

Parents are the touchstones of life. They are so influential during the critical years that their voices echo through our brains long after they are gone. Parents start our direction and influence the trajectory of our entire life. Good, bad or indifferent, they leave their mark on their offspring. I don’t think there is a more important job on the planet than being a parent. If parents rescue us as a child they save us as an adult; they are just that important. There have been zillions of books and articles written on parenting and many of them reflect the latest strategy; are we to be permissive this year or is it time for a little more authoritative style? I suppose you could say we are all guessing in a way. We don’t have to take a test, get a license or undergo any evaluation to be a parent. Yet, these little humans just show up in our life and they are our responsibility. It occurred to me recently that one of the single most important things we have to understand about parenting is reinforcement. Reinforcement is like the ancient law of Karma; it is cause and effect. Basically speaking, what you reinforce, you get back. Reinforcement is the reward you get for the behavior you are doing.rnEvery morning all over the world people get up and go to work. At the end of the pay period they get paid. That is how the world functions. If they stop getting paid they stop working. If they work longer hours they get paid more. It is a simple notion, but with our children we often ignore this basic principle. Consider these two scenarios: “Momma, if you buy me the bicycle, I’ll make better grades.” or “If you let me play now, I’ll do my homework later.” Often parents are reinforcing all the wrong behaviors. If a child gets away with bad behavior, what is getting reinforced? Many times we reward our children first and never get the promised work. As parents we must keep in mind what behavior we want before we negotiate any contract with our children; then we musty decide how best to reinforce that behavior. For example, if you want Tommy to play in the sandbox and not in the street, it is more effective to reward sandbox play than it is to punish street play. The secret to reinforcement is to know what your child likes to do. Sometimes it takes several weeks of unobtrusive observation to really study your child’s habits and behaviors. How much do they watch TV, or how often are they on the phone? What is the actual time spent wit dolls, computers, video games or with friends? Once you know their likes you can construct a reinforcement plan. You can set up a behavioral program that rewards one hour of homework with one hour of TV; or for cleaning their room they can play two hours with friends. Be creative! But they work first, the get paid. The law of Karma says we are rewarded, good or bad, for the work we do. Teach your child this lesson early and they will more readily develop a sense of self-responsibility and self-reliance.