Kathy's Story

Kathy was a happy-go-lucky child. Despite the constant moves from house to house, city to city every year or so she never had any problems making new friends and fitting into groups. She was out-going and enjoyed all sports activities never excelling in any one specific niche, but willing to try anything, and be a team player. School was more of a place to socialize than to study and whether through osmosis or general interest she got passing grades. Her average mid-income upbringing with a father who worked 9-5, stay-at-home mom and older brother seemed nothing out of the ordinary.

Her family took summer vacations camping or visiting relatives and enjoying the outdoors. A love of nature and appreciation for the environment was instilled at a young age. Her fathers’ position in the armed forces gave the family an opportunity to live and travel across the country. There was never an excess of money at the end of the day, but there was never a feeling of lack for the comforts of life.

This was the childhood Kathy was raised to know. She felt secure in just being herself. The silence or lack of communication within the home seemed normal. The occasional explosive arguments were a time to hide as they would soon pass over, or so she believed.

At the age of eleven the move across country to a farm where there was room to run, have a horse and a dog after living in the center of cities seemed a dream come true. In reality it was the beginning of changes that turned the life of Kathy upside down. The small 3-room school seemed archaic compared to the enormous city schools she was used to. Team sports were made up of all age groups participating due to the lack of children of any one age. Being the new kid on the block meant being bullied before being accepted. Country living meant no friends next door, or even a neighborhood to gather. Extra-curricular activities didn’t exist. Kathy was now on her own to imagine or create her amusement.

The loneliness changed the happy-go-lucky personality into one of quiet despair. The constant bullying took the confidence and free spirit of a young girl and created a cautious subdued pre-teen. As Kathy tried to deal with her own emotions, her brother moving out, the ridicule and criticism of her mother an internal rebellious lion from within began to roar.

By the age of 14 Kathy’s life had done a 180 and would never again be the same. Her mother chose to leave the home and marriage, and in spite of her decision, blamed Kathy. After all it was her rebellious daughter that created the conflict in her marital relationship! Kathy, entering her teen years with an angry yet non-communicative father was left to her own demise. His solution to dealing with the failure of his marriage was ignore it happened and find solace in a bottle. The guilt and remorse for her parents divorce left Kathy feeling unlovable and confused.

With over 50% of marriages ending in divorce and the average family having 2 children this story is not uncommon. The effects of divorce perpetuate and the learned beliefs of all involved cause a ripple effect for years, perhaps even generations.

What are we as a universe prepared to do about this? The solutions begin one person at a time, one family at a time.

There is help available. Most people have been touched one way or another by divorce. Support and guidance for healing after divorce continues to improve.

Has the acceptance of “divorce is inevitable” become too easy for not trying to manage difficult circumstances in marriage, or is it due to the acceptance that couples have the freedom to make the choice? Are children of divorce so common that it has become the “way of life” growing up? Are extra-marital affairs so common that disloyalty it “expected” in relationships?

These are questions for all of us to ask of ourselves. Change happens when we collectively stand up and say “enough”. Divorce is never the fault of a child. As July is National Child-Centered Divorce month consider doing something kind and considerate for a child that gives them a feeling of being loved. Appreciate and express your appreciation for those who matter in your life. One person at a time share your gratitude and make a difference starting now and continue to pass it forward.