Keep You and Your Relationship Healthy by Speaking Up Sooner

In our article "Keep Your Relationship Loving by Speaking Up Sooner - 3 Tips," we recommended speaking up as soon as an issue arises to prevent arguments in your relationship. We recently found an added benefit to speaking up sooner. We are on a quest to share information and help other couples communicate about any issue as soon as possible. We recognize that withholding issues is one of the biggest mistakes one can make in a marriage. We certainly experienced that in our previous marriages--bottling up feelings and not knowing how to communicate properly. But as committed as we are in our own marriage to not holding onto issues, occasionally we let one or two sit there inside of us. Our two best "excuses" are (1) I do not have the time now, and (2) if I hold off, maybe the issue will go away. Recently, Diane was in bed for two days with a nasty head cold and sore throat. She did the usual doctor-recommended routine: rested, ate lightly and drank extra liquids. She began to feel better, and as her thinking cleared up, she wondered "Why did I get sick?" Was it the cold temperature in the hotel conference room she recently sat in? Did she eat too much ice cream? In thinking about why Diane got sick, we talked about the word "disease" meaning "lack of ease." Then we flipped through the book Esoteric Healing by Alan Hopkins. In this book, the word disease is defined as "the result of an inhibited flow of soul energy to the body." At that moment, Diane realized that she did have some things on her mind that she wanted to discuss with Lewis and that she had been procrastinating. Maybe her procrastination had caused her some dis-ease, resulting in her becoming ill. There was only one way to find out. Diane asked Lewis if he had time for a spontaneous discussion. Lewis said he did. Diane spoke and Lewis just listened to her. Diane could feel her body releasing tension as she finished her first issue. Diane literally leaned forward and let out a big "Ahhhhh." Then Diane went on to her second issue and out came another big "Ahhhhh." After Diane shared her two heretofore unspoken issues, Lewis responded and Diane took her turn listening. After taking the opportunity to speak out her issues and feeling listened to by Lewis, Diane's mind and body felt relief. Shortly thereafter, the final physical symptoms of Diane's illness cleared up. A study involving 75 married couples found that "there was a significant relationship between daily stress and the occurrence of... health problems such as flu, sore throat, headaches, and backaches." Diane's not speaking her truth was a form of stress. In addition to speaking up sooner in your relationship for the health of your relationship, you can speak up sooner for your own health and well-being. 1. "The Impact of Daily Stress on Health and Mood: Psychological and Social Resources as Mediators" by Anita DeLongis, Susan Folkman and Richard S. Lazarus, published in Journal of Personality and Social Psychology 1988. Vol. 54. No. 3.486-495.