Let Go of Stress by Letting Go of Expectations of Others

When you’re disappointed, frustrated, or angry with someone, you can bet that there is an expectation of them that isn’t being met. You may or may not be aware of at the time.

The more you expect from others and don’t receive, the greater the stress and frustration.

These conscious or unconscious demands need a little deciphering on your part. What is it that you really want or need? Why do you need that?

Often the person you are expecting something from doesn’t even know what it is. Remember, they can’t read your mind; also, you may not be aware of what it is you want and why it’s important to you.

Be clear about why and what you want from others and then be willing to let go of the outcome. Here are a few examples of expectations of others; see if any of these ring any bells for you.

So and so “should”…

help out more
be nicer
stop procrastinating
call mernbe there for mernlisten to mernknow what I need or want without me telling them
recognize or appreciate what I do for them
be on time
offer assistance
do chores
not be dishonest
be a better person- friend, family member, partner, child, boss, co-worker
like/love mernunderstand mernnot expect me to do things
changernbe grateful
be happier
not make the same mistakes again
know betterr
Do any of these sound familiar? Perhaps some other ones became apparent as you read the list.

You may even have different expectations for different people. When they aren’t living up to your wishes, the end result is still the same, disappointment, frustration, anger, hurt, resentment, sadness and so on. This all adds up to extra stress in your life.

The moment you consciously or unconsciously place an expectation on someone, you have a hidden agenda and that agenda is to meet your needs, wants or desires.

The only person that needs to meet your requirements is you! Sure, it would be nice if people did or said things without you having to ask them, or the way you wanted things to be, but that’s not always the case, so what do you do?

Try putting the word “I” before the list of phrases above. Hmm… now that makes a lot more sense. How many of these are you doing for you? How about for others?

Maybe you are already doing some things and, since you’re doing them you presume that others should also. Or you have told the person what you want and he/she still isn’t doing it and you think he/she should. Or he/she is doing something but not the way you want. Either way it all adds up to expectations-yours.

You can ask someone to change his/her ways, or be more or do more, and they may or may not concede; but when you let go of the expectation, then things happen as they do and not as you believe they “should”.

The only person that needs to change is you; or at least your reaction or response to others when they aren’t living up to what you would like is a good start to letting it go.

Take the word “should” out of your vocabulary and replace it with the word “could”. The word “could” holds much less expectation and leaves it open for possibilities not disappointment.

For example, Mary is always late; she should be on time; transforms to Mary could be on time but she isn’t today. I appreciate that I am a punctual person.

Take notice of how you feel when someone is late. Where do you go with your thoughts?

Listen to what surfaces for you when someone doesn’t measure up to your beliefs and standards. Maybe you feel unloved, unappreciated, unworthy, not respected, not heard, etc. What can you do for you that helps you feel the opposite of the way you are feeling? What are you doing for that person that helps them feel the way you would like to feel?

Using the example of someone being late, you can be upset that the person is late or you could spend the time reading, writing, or centering yourself before they arrive, etc. Quite a different approach to someones tardiness, isn’t it?

If you know a person is always 15 minutes late then you can slow down and not rush to be there and give yourself the extra time getting there, or let go of the expectation that he/she will be on time and enjoy divine timing instead.

You can explain why being on time or anything else is important to you, and even go so far as to tell them how you feel when they don’t do what you ask of them but that doesn’t mean that they will change their ways.

When you share your feelings, do you presume people should do things differently and if they truly cared, they would do what you asked of them?

Check in to see if you value yourself. Often people don’t feel they deserve what they are asking for and therefore never ask, or when they do, they squash the positive with a negative before it even has a chance to manifest.

Remember, just as you have beliefs of how things should be, others also have beliefs of how they should be and they more than likely will differ.

When we understand ourselves better, we are given an opportunity to understand others better as well. We aren’t that different. Just our beliefs, perceptions and expectations are.

Can you let go of the expectation of others today?

Can you let go of how things “should” be?

If you can, you will find your stress letting go right along with it.

The Insight Technique assists you being clear as to what your expectations are, how they affect you when they aren’t met, and what you can do to let them go.