Life After Grief

I became a widow at 47. I'd always thought my husband and I would be together forever, or at least a lot longer than 20 years. We have three boys, who at the time were 11, 18 and 19. I ran the gamut of emotions...shock, fear, an utter stillness of nothing, a frenzy of activity, and on and on. Emotions took me on a roller coaster ride of non-delight. One day, not too long after his memorial service, I recall waking up one morning. As I lay in bed, it came to me very clearly, "what do I do with the rest of my life?" I figured I had at least another 40 years. Little did I know it was the beginning of a wonderful, more empowering phase of my life. Four years later, I'm still in the midst of this incredible, uncharted process. I recently wrote a memoir of my last five years, from the date of the diagnosis of my husband's cancer. I know in my heart that even though I wrote it as a catharsis for myself, other women need to read it. Women need to know in the grieving process they're not crazy or different or alone. My dreams have changed and my life has taken unexpected twists and turns, and I wouldn't change any of it. Incredibly, none of it. I am where I am supposed to be.