Life and Loss

Life and LossnnA very dear friend of mine experienced the loss of a feline loved one and, as I was writing to console her, my own words made an impact of awareness and understanding in me. It never ceases to amaze me; how we learn our life lessons, and then live them without really stopping to understand how the experience and the awareness have changed our lives... until we share it with someone else. Words are awfully difficult to find at these times. Hugs work much better in my opinion. I went through very similar feelings (regarding your comment about not being able to be quiet anymore) when I was young. I was devastated by the loss of four young cats in just a few months. They were part of a litter that I had rescued and raised. My mind went a little crazy with my grief. I couldn't get away from it for a long time. But when I did start to emerge, I was different. I used to think people were cold hearted if they didn't cry or mourn. But now, I understand that not everyone is cold hearted if they don't show extended grief upon loss through death. It is simply belief and understanding, and acceptance and trust. We each have to find our own way to survive in the midst of life and loss. I still miss my animals when they leave me, but I don't hurt so much or for so long anymore. They visit me often in my heart, my mind, and sometimes my vision. My grandparents are the closest humans I've lost in my adulthood. I think the world was preparing me for their losses as I was growing up. Having a family of my own with two little baby boys ... if I had reacted as I did in my youth, I would have caused them much fear, anxiety, and probably scarred them for life! Instead, I managed when my grandparents left. I didn't fall apart like I used to. I get overwhelmed with love and emotion for my grandparents once or twice a year now, but rather than focusing on the loss, like I used to, I focus on the good memories. I hear my grandma say my name the way that no one else ever has. I hear my grandpa curse at bad luck, and I feel him hold my hand. I think the world is encouraging you and helping you to accept what you know is true. Your world will open up, and what you truly want in this life will start to become reality as soon as you let go of what is holding you back. You don't have to feel guilty for others' transitions. Death is a human word, a belief, not a reality. The pain is not in someone's death, it is in our loss. Though each spirit sheds their physical body, we do not die. We live on. Until we accept that, and let go of our fears of loss, the pain and guilt will continue to threaten the joy of our material / physical world. I trust that my loved ones are happy. They would want me and their family to be happy, too, despite the loss of physical touch. Trust that you are right where you are supposed to be. Don't let the bad erase the good, let it balance it. You will discover a neutral space. It's there that you will begin to really learn and grow spiritually. That's when the ability to find peace starts to settle into your soul. Copyright © 2009 Rebecca Halstead All rights reserved