Article

Live Happily Ever After with Realistic Expectations

Topic: Marriage CoachingFeaturing Dr. Patty A TublinPublished November 22, 2010

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Whether we admit it or not, we all think we’re going to fall in love with Prince (or Princess) Charming and live the rest of our days together in a Disney fairytale “happily ever after.” And we take the words “happily ever after” literally.

Truth be told, I don’t know anyone who has lived “happily ever after” all day, every day, day in and day out as the Disney fairytale romances suggest. However, you can live happily ever after if your relationship is based upon realistic expectations. Here are few examples:

1. No two days of your relationship will be same.
Just like no two snowflakes are the same, no two days of your relationship will be exactly the same – ever. Don’t fall into the trap of thinking every day our relationship is going to be a fairytale come true.

2. Great relationships endure stretches of less-than-great moments.
Just as a beautiful garden requires days and weeks of rain – without any sunshine in sight – great long-term relationships endure hardships. During these stretches of less-than-fairytale moments in your relationship, remember there can’t be a rainbow without the rain. When your relationship appears to be experiencing a drought of special moments and sunshine, remember your garden and the fact that it requires many sunless days until it finally blossoms too!

3. Relationships undergo seasons of change.
Just as we experience rainy seasons throughout the year, our relationships also undergo seasons of change as well. It’s just not as easy to predict when these changes will occur – or what they will look like. Therefore, it is important to remember that true intimate relationships do not just “happen” and they do not just remain the same. Relationships are constantly evolving and they require attention and nurturing throughout their evolution!

4. You will go to bed angry at times.
In spite of what other relationship experts tell you, you will go to bed angry with each other at times. Don’t think your relationship is doomed the first time this happens. It’s okay. Sure, you don’t want to make it a habit, but it’s certainly not the beginning of the end either. Sometimes we do more harm than good if we try to talk about issues that are upsetting us – and the distance a good night’s sleep provides often puts things in a much needed and better perspective.

Life isn’t a fairy tale, but if you have realistic expectations about your relationship and your significant other, you can live happily ever after.

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