Longing: Who Do You Long For After Separation?

Longing for your partner can fill you with joy, good thoughts and anticipation. There is someone to long for; to write poems to; to dream about at night. But if your partner is no longer there, longing can make you sad and melancholic, arousing the feeling of loneliness.

But who are you actually longing for?

The following short story – or shall we call it “a real life anecdote” – tries to answer this question. It might have happened to you – or to people you know.

LONGING

After longing for him so much, she didn’t understand where her longing had vanished to.
She couldn’t believe they were really gone. Only one who has ever felt fierce longing as she did could know how dreadful it is to suddenly not feel such longing anymore. It’s like having your hand chopped off.

She decided to go on a journey in search of her longing. She knew they must be around someplace. But where?

The first place she looked in was her poetry notebooks. Merely reading the poems she wrote for him once again sharpened in her the feeling that ardent longing such as hers simply do not vanish into thin air. It was really impossible! Not only her notebooks but also her bed was soaked with longing, since it was in her bed that she longed for him endlessly, and the bed absorbed all her longing.

Her longing has always been so tangible, existing right here, inside herself. Here - she reached her hand and touched her chest, trying to find the place where her longing used to be, but couldn’t. Has it disappeared forever?

All of a sudden it dawned on her that it might have drained itself into her last boy friend, who she loved so much. The thought shook her wildly. Is it possible that he took her longing with him upon leaving? Never mind him, but what about her longing?

She hurried to call her ex. “Honey,” she uttered in a soft, begging voice, “Honey, is it with you?”

“Who?” he asked, “who are you talking about?”

“Honey,” she almost burst out crying, “My longing. My longing is gone. I don’t feel longing anymore since you left, Honey. What have you done with it, Honey?”

Short laugh, followed by silence. And after a while, with some hesitation, he asked: “What did I do with your longing? What’s the matter with you? Are you out of your mind?”

“Honey,” she continued, ignoring his insult, “My longing was an integral part of me... of my love... my poetry... my existence. I want it back, Honey, I want my longing back.”

“Listen,” he cut her off harshly, “I need to go now. There are people waiting for me. Good-bye!”

Not knowing what to do, she poured herself a cup of tea. Tea always helped alleviate her nervousness. She drank the cup and poured herself another one, in order to gain more time. She counted each sip. It was always relaxing for her to concentrate on counting. It helped her get insights.
She noticed the cup was almost empty. Then suddenly, with the last sip, she began to long. She trembled with excitement! She knew this would happen! A cup of tea never fails, especially when the cup is large. She began to long – she was flooded with yearning – for her longing!

She really longed for it so much that her whole body began to tremble and shake in a strange way. She could actually feel how much she craved for her longing and missed it tremendously. She could feel her heart expanding and filling with longing, like a hot air balloon. Just yearning for the longing she ever felt while with him; while with those before him; this cherished longing which has become part of her each time she has fallen in love; this longing which filled up her heart with trembling, yearning, and desires…

She longed for her longing!

“FALLING IN LOVE” OUT OF STRENGTH OR OUT OF DESPERATION

Longing is usually considered as part of love and relationships. It is something which adds meaning to life.

But one can also be addicted to longing – just like to drugs, alcohol and sex. This happens when one “must” have a partner in order to have someone to long for; when one gets into a relationship in order to feel longing.

There is a difference between falling in love out of strength, and “falling in love” for the sake of having a partner.

The first connotes a healthy approach, when you really feel attracted to someone with whom you can build a satisfying relationship. The second connotes an unhealthy approach, when you behave out of neediness and desperation, for the sake of feeling longing, for the sake of feeling connected, and you convince yourself that you are “in love” even if the person isn’t right for you, but you prefer being with him/her than without anyone.

Moving from neediness and desperation to choosing a partner out of strength can lead to a healthy and satisfying relationship.