Love…Are you in or on your way out?

Traditionally February musings are all about love, romance and partnership, yet many couples are not on this same train as they are experiencing relationship hurdles, unfortunate scenarios of love petering out, while others are going down the path of becoming unmarried and enduring the aftermath that often ensues.

Most of us don’t have or have had any experience or role models that could be heralded as the poster couple of marriage let alone the poster couple of divorce, but this doesn’t mean that they don’t exist…they absolutely do!

Some faiths have couples go through courses before tying the knot; learning more about each other and how to work through the bumps that will inevitably appear along the road of marriage.

Sadly though, we somehow think that’s all we need to sustain a great marriage… consider how healthy our relationships could be if we serviced them as routinely as we do our cars!

By being on top of the little issues and communication misunderstandings we can better avoid an eventual costly breakdown, not to mention being excellent role models for our kids showing them how to ‘do marriage’.

But relationships don’t always work out, so if making the decision to be unmarried is in the cards, then bowing out with mutual respect and kindness can go a long way!

Every day it seems we hear of somebody breaking-up and the mere hint of their relationship ending amicably is met with disbelief and scepticism as most people expect the end of a marriage to be confrontational and fraught with negativity.

This really doesn’t have to be the case at all.

The first step is simply to choose a different way! The result of this choice along with working towards a healthier way to co-parent our kids amidst the emotional upheaval of divorce is one of the most important examples we could ever set for our family!

It’s not to disregard the pain and stages of the relationship breakdown, but rather a learning curve of how to take the high road, biting our tongue to prevent further damage to those within earshot and trying our hardest to remember what we loved about the other person instead of focusing only on the negative criticism that can begin to permeate our heart.

Here are just a few suggestions to get started on the path of a peaceful parting:

o Commit to only saying positive things about your ex to your children and others resisting the temptation to do otherwise
o Dust off your wedding album (that’s if you haven’t tossed it in moment of fury), to help bring back the memories of what you fell in love with in your partner
o Take a step back from your situation and see if you can reflect on how you contributed to the breakdown because it’s never completely the other’s fault…no matter the circumstances

There’s no way around it…divorce is for life and how we handle it will help to determine what kind of life that will be, not only for the adults involved, but even more so for the children caught in the middle.

Whatever stage you might be at in your relationship, it’s never too late to start turning things around…it may not change the end result but the energy of how it plays out will certainly be more positive for everyone involved!

So if you have to…fake it ‘til you make it!

Try to get past the stuck point of expensive lawyers, blame or vindictive retaliations…and if you have children, make your love for them bigger than your grievances for each other!