Truly loving another human being means you want what is best for them even if that's not you or what you want. Our idea of what is best for them and what is truly best for them may be different.nLove is our natural state of existence when we are absent of fear, confusion, and emotional upset.nContaminated Love is a mixture of fear and love.nnThe world's great wisdom traditions say that love is the ultimate reality of existence. In human relationships, the more we strive to reflect that divine, universal love, the more harmony and freedom we will have in our relationships. Real love has no agendas, no attachments, no ideas, no demands, and no conditions. These are all things we add to the experience of love, which begin to contaminate our love, and which also begin to confuse us about what love is. Real, uncontaminated love has one simple agenda: to love!nIsn’t being loved what makes us happy?nnMost of us think we need to be loved to be happy. I think the confusion is that when someone loves us, we often then feel safe enough to love back, which is why we imagine that we need to be loved to be happy. The truth is we need to love to be happy because it is our natural state. The more we love the happier we are. nWon’t people take advantage of my love?nnMany people fear that they will be weak or taken advantage of if they love all out. I think that love is for some strange reason at times confused with passivity and weakness. Love is the most powerful force in this universe. I can love someone and at the same time be angry with them for their actions. In fact I would say I need to get mad at most of the people in my life from time to time and get over it with them, so I can get back to feeling the love that I have for them. Being loving doesn’t mean that I will walk on eggshells and be careful not to offend you. It means that I am willing to risk being deeply honest with you and willing to work through whatever might come up between us because I am committed to loving you.nTips for Building a Fulfilling Relationshipnn"Getting to know one's partner can be a life-long fascination."nnRemembering to Have FunnMost couples do a good job of having fun for the first few months or even years of their relationship. Then many times they stop having fun together. I guess between kids, work, and life's obligations they can't find the time. If you find this happening to you, it's a good idea to plan something fun at least once a week that the two of you can do alone. If you have kids it maybe getting a baby sitter just so the two of you can have a relaxing evening at home alone. Playing and having fun is one of the primary ways that human beings bond! If you stop having fun together a relationship will often go stale or feel flat.nnPlaying on the Same TeamnDo you play on the same team as your partner? nIf you see your partner as being on your team, when you have a conflict it becomes a challenge for you to work to resolve (the conflict is outside the relationship).nIf you see your partner as your opponent, then the conflict is you against your partner. The conflict then often becomes a war about winning rather than about resolution.nIt is possible to create a relationship based on team playing where each partner is engaged in contribution to the other. Choosing to play consciously together as a team shifts the focus from individual needs to the larger needs of the relationship as a whole. When this happens, there is an increase in the intimacy, openness and love available.nOn the individual level, when you are working with each other as opposed to working against each other you may discover that many aspects of your life will be elevated.nnFinal thought: Most couples are provided with the opportunity either to elevate each other's lives for the better or wreak havoc in each other's lives.n nLoving All-OutnTo have any chance of something really special with another human being, it's essential to transcend the pettiness of possession and neediness. Be willing to love beyond getting what you want. Make your priority be loving the person and wanting what's best for them, even if it's not you at some point. This doesn't make you a sucker. You can love your partner all out and still choose to leave the relationship if they don't treat you well. This is in fact loving yourself all out (which is also essential to having a good relationship with another human being). nMany times what keeps people from having a good relationship is their fear of losing one another. Important: It's critical to make the love and the friendship of another human being senior to the relationship. If not, the relationship becomes more important to you than the other person or their happiness. To have a transcendent relationship, your attachment to the relationship needs to be secondary to your commitment to love and support one another whether or not you stay together. I know it is ironic but this road actually gives you the possibility of a wonderful life long partnership. The other road keeps you in fear and desperation.nn Our true nature is to love. It simple feels good when we are loving. The more you are able to transform with love and honesty your relationships with family, friends, colleagues, strangers, trees, and the entire world, the more loving your romantic partnership will be. Every relationship we have affects every other relationship we have.nnFinal Note: Our soul’s deepest desire is to fall in love with the entire world and everything in it. I realize for most of us (myself included) this is very much an on-going journey. This is the journey that transforms our contaminated love (full of conditions and limitations) to Divine and pure love. nnThank you for reading my article!nnFor more information on my work please visit:nwww.accesswisdom.comnnTo order my book Transformative Love:
www.accesswisdom.com/book.htmnn n nn