Love the One You’re With: 14 Simple Ways to Create a Great Valentine’s Day

Whether you’re madly in love, still looking for love, or in a snit with the one you love, the suggestions below are surefire ways to jumpstart more luvin’ feelings in your life. Just choose one of these suggestions and try it out — on your spouse, your beau, yourself, or a friend. Or for those who crave a larger dose of feelin’ good, try one a day for the next 14 days!

1. Make a Love List full of silly, sweet, funny, poignant reasons why you love someone. When you’re mad or disappointed, read this list! When you’re happy and in love, add to this list. If you’re sad or lonely, make a Love List for yourself, a relative, or a friend.

2. Share the things on your Love List with the person for whom you wrote ‘em. Mail ‘em in a card. Send one text message every hour. Write them on notes and hide them in their shoes or coat pockets. Make a poster. Leave voice messages on their phone.

3. Pretend like you are meeting your spouse or beau for the first time. Choose someplace new, where neither of you have ever been. Arrive separately. Catch eyes across the restaurant or café. Introduce yourselves using names you just made up that suit your mood. See them (and yourself) anew.

4. Surprise them on an any-ole-day. It’s not his birthday. It’s not your anniversary. It isn’t Valentine’s Day. It is Tuesday the nothingth and you make a candlelight dinner or you buy him that gizmo he’s been drooling over or you offer an hour-long massage and kissfest.

5. Be the dashing, witty, sexy, romantic, fun person you have always longed to be in relationship with! Dress up in sexy clothes, tell funny jokes, focus on the positive, talk to strangers, be dynamic and magnetic.

6. Listen. Focus all of your attention on them. Be totally present. (Try reflective listening in which you actually repeat back verbatim each sentence they say. It is amazing how good it feels to the recipient to know someone hears every word!).

7. Try something new together that you’ve always wanted to do. Now.

8. Find a way to transform your anger or snits into something fun. Buy and wear big puffy coats so you can smash into one another. Put on your favorite music and dance. Have a sword fight with foam swords. Speak in feigned accents. (When my beau says, “Hey Boo Boo” like Yogi Bear, it is impossible not to laugh!)

9. Collect and print out your ten favorite photos of the two of you in which you’re truly happy. Hang them someplace you’ll see them often. Let yourself feel the joy again and again and again.

10. Be vulnerable. Tell something you wouldn’t tell anyone else or that you’ve been afraid to say.

11. Choose connection over being right or proving a point. (Ooh, that is hard. But wow, does it pay off in spades!)

12. Get those unmet needs met — someplace else. Don’t expect anyone in your life to be everything to you.

13. Be present. This is the number one best way to connect — and the very best gift you can give.

14. If you don’t have a partner, or even if you do, do all of these things for yourself. Loving the one you’re with starts with YOU. If you love and enjoy yourself, you’re well on your way to loving whatever wonderful and imperfect Valentine is in your life or about to show up in your life.