Dear Doc Love,
I have a love challenge from Germany. I am a good-looking 29 year-old physician. I recently put an ad plus my photo on a singles website and a beautiful 26-year-old teacher answered it. Without asking her, she sent me her picture and phone number with her second e-mail. We later exchanged more photos and talked for hours a couple of times on the phone. She complimented my good looks, nice voice, etc. and told me she was dying to meet me.
The problem is that we live about 800 kilometers apart. Fortunately, I planned to be at a business conference near her hometown a week later. Together, we planned that I would visit her and we would spend the weekend together.
We had not talked with each other for two weeks (I had been very busy), but this morning; I called her to see if everything was set. In response, she asked me to call her back a half an hour later because she was having breakfast! I know I should have asked her to call me back, but I'm a gentleman so I called her. Unfortunately, nobody answered!
I left the following message on her answering machine: "Listen, I don't like playing games. Call me today so I can make plans for the upcoming weekend." Well, she did not call me, but about eight hours later, I received an e-mail telling me that she was having the most stressful period in her job right now and that she was moving into and renovating a new apartment and she could not make it for the weekend. She offered to invite me in a few weeks when everything was set in her life and expressed her regrets if she would lose me due to this incident. Strange creature, isn't she?
How should I react to her, Doc?
Heinz - who wants to know if he should try again
Hi Heinz,
Strange creature is an understatement! You asked her out well in advance of the date and she neglected to mention that she was changing homes that day. How convenient. 99% of the time when someone moves, they think about the momentous day months before it arrives. Your girl apparently forgot all about it until the last minute. What a great opportunity to tell you a whopper!
So she told you she was smitten after seeing a picture of you and hearing your voice a few times on the telephone - Heinz, that's not the same thing as falling in love with you (It amazes me how guys fall for lines from people they haven't even met.). In order for true love to occur, you have to pass the Physical Attraction Test, which requires an assessment of your
body language and physical appearance - in other words, she has to meet you in person. Her willingness to verbalize high Interest Level with a virtual person should have given you a clue that something was rotten in the state of Germany.
You didn't take into account, Heinz, that when it comes to the personals, there are two types of women. One - the woman who is sincerely looking for a relationship and will thus give you a fair shot. And two - the game player, who leads poor schleps on through e-mail messages and telephone conversations (The Internet and Telephone Time Waster). The trick is to find the first type, while avoiding the second type.
Heinz, you got a few photos and some expensive phone bills, but you never got a date, so which camp do you think that puts your girl in? As my cousi
Rabbi Love would ask: "Is this such a tough question?"
When a guy works the personals he must get to the Short Date (meeting briefly for coffee) ASAP. If, after exchanging photos and a phone call, she drags her feet about a face-to-face meeting, then you are talking to a woman who only loves male attention from afar. As The Reality Factor says - when there is reluctance on a woman's part, there is low Interest Level. Simple, huh?
The best part of your letter was your girl's breakfast stunt. "Call back in a half an hour" is Womanese for, "Call back when I'm sure I will have left the house!" Or worse: "Call back when I'm sure my boyfriend and I will have left the house!" By falling for this ruse, you gave up Self-control and proved that you weren't as much a gentleman as you were a weak man. The truth is, if she really had high Interest Level, she would have tossed her breakfast into the garbage disposal because love is more important to women than food! She really worked you over on this one, while simultaneously giving you the kiss of death.
She didn't "regret losing you" - in fact, she was planning on it! Apparently, someone else came into her life and since she had gotten tired of playing with you, it was time to move on. Heinz, you don't really think this was the first time she has played this game, do you? If you do, I got some swampland on the Rhine to sell you!
This girl has neither the Interest Level nor the consideration to make her worth pursuing. Count yourself lucky to have found this out sooner rather than later. If this thought doesn't console you, then consider this, Heinz: you two didn't even meet, so there is no real reason to take her rejection personally. As far as you're conce
ed, she rejected a stranger.
Your experience proves my point, Heinz - spending hours conversing with a woman in cyberspace or incessantly shooting the bull with her over the phone is a waste of time. You may think something is going on, but in reality, it means absolutely nothing. Why? Because until you meet eyeball to eyeball, you are still strangers.
Guys - when using the personals follow The "System" and don't let anyone waste your time. Remember that even with love the clock is always ticking.
To send me your love questions or to find out more about The "System," visit me at
http://www.doclove.com or call (800) 404-2644. Copyright DocLove Dot Com nnn