Managing 4 Year Old Behavior

Being a parent is a fantastic experience, but it can also be very stressful at times. Managing a 4 year old's behavior can be even harder than dealing with the terrible twos.

The dream for a stressed out parent is to find a way to get their 4 year old to listen and behave the way they want. That's a tall order, but there are many tricks you can use to accomplish this. My specialty is teaching parents how to use language to get their kids to listen and do what is expected of them.

Here are 5 quick tips to help you improve deal with 4 year old behavior.

1) Always acknowledge what your child is saying. If you try to distract your child from whatever is on their mind without first acknowledging them, they will see right through you. But if you first repeat what they are saying, you'll "enter their world" and calm them down before any fights begin. So if your child is asking if he can have this great new toy while at the store, start by saying "you want this toy, don't you?".

2) When your child is acting in a way that you do not like, make sure you tell him or her what you DO want, rather than telling them what you don't want. In other words, speak in positive terms. "I want you to come over here" is better than "stop going over there". Or "keep your hands to yourself" is better than "stop hitting your little sister". This goes for pretty much anything you communicate to your child.

3) Stay calm when you discipline your child. If you show your anger and frustration, your 4 year old will know he or she has pushed your hot buttons. You'll have more success with discipline if you keep your cool. You can be unemotional when implementing punishment.

4) Never apologize when implementing punishment. If you stay unemotional and act with calmness, you simply follow up on a threatened punishment with a simple explanation of what your child did (after being asked to behave differently) and you explain that the punishment is because of the behavior/action. No apologies necessary here.

5) Feel comfortable following through. If you make a threat such as, "If you don't get over here right now I'm not taking you to Grandma's tomorrow", then you better be prepared to actually follow through. Therefore, maybe you need to consider what is a realistic punishment and what is not. Keep a short list of realistic punishments on the tip of your tongue, and make sure at least one of these can be used when you are not at home. Get your children in the habit of understanding that you are someone who acts, not just talks.