Marriage Counsellor Suggestions: 3 Do’s and 3 Don’ts for a Healthy Marriage

A marriage counsellor can help you make your marriage loving and long lasting. Whether you are already married, or are considering getting married, whether you live in a small town in Ontario or a big city like Toronto, it’s a good idea to find a marriage counsellor in your area to help you strengthen your relationship. Our do’s and don’ts list is a good place to start to help you keep your love strong for the long run:

Do
1. Communicate on a deeper level – sometimes we have problems communicating on a deep level; however communicating deeply will only strengthen your love. Don’t just talk about the “facts” of your day. Instead, talk about:
1. What you care about
2. What motivates you
3. What you believe in
4. What matters to you
5. What makes you tick
6. How you are impacted by the events that happen around you

2. Show affection – show affection on a daily basis, and not only as a part of foreplay. Figure out what says “I love you” to your significant other and then do those things – again and again to show them that you care about them. You can show affection in a number of ways, including:
1. A gentle touch
2. Holding hands
3. Putting your arm around your spouse
4. Sending flowers with a kind note
5. Giving a backrub (without the hope or expectation of it turning into anything more)
6. Giving a prolonged kiss
7. Saying “I love you”

3. Participate in activities that your spouse enjoys – this is something that we often do when we are dating, but stop doing when we are married. Even if you don’t enjoy watching football, or visiting a local famer’s market, doing these things that your spouse enjoys will show them that you care. We enjoy participating in activities with the person that we love, and when that person is willing to do things – not because it’s their favourite activity but because it means they can spend time with their favourite person – it makes us feel good and helps to strengthen love

Don’t
1. Behave badly – many relationships fail because people behave in a way that makes it difficult to maintain stability or to keep the relationship satisfying. This type of behaviour can include lying and cheating – all are precursors to relationship problems

2. Hold on to your baggage – we all come into relationships with some sort of baggage – issues from our past that tend to seep into our current relationship. It’s not the baggage itself that can cause problems in relationships, instead it is the fact that some people are unwilling to deal with this baggage that becomes a problem. If you have unresolved issues from your past you should contact a counsellor to resolve them so that they don’t affect your current relationship

3. Be Critical – Criticism is a relationship killer – it kills love slowly and painfully. No one likes to be criticised, and overly criticising your spouse can have many negative consequences, including:
1. breaking down communication
2. putting up walls and barriers
3. causing people to hide their feelings
4. causing people to be afraid to do more (the less you do the less you can be criticised for)

Whether you are considering getting married, or are already married it’s important to remember that a successful relationship doesn’t come easy. A successful marriage means daily work on the part of both people involved. Pre-marriage counselling or marriage counselling can help provide you with the tools and knowledge you need to keep your relationship successful. If you think your relationship could use help, consider contacting a marriage counsellor in your area. Whether you live in a small town or a big city like Toronto, there are many marriage counsellors in your area who are qualified to help.