Mend My Broken Heart: The Art of Letting Go After a Break-up

If you’re reading this article I’m guessing you are going through a recent break-up and are feeling sad and alone.

The loss of losing someone you love can be unbelievably hard. The secrets that you shared, the plans that you made, the hugs and kisses along with the nights of passion, and the pain of seeing your hopes and dreams of a future life together, all disappear at once right before your eyes. You have every right to be sad. People say you can’t die from a broken heart but it sure feels like you can sometimes, especially at the beginning of the break-up. The thought of not seeing your ex again can be too much to bear for many. This was the person you loved and felt safe enough with to reveal your deepest secrets.

I can certainly relate to how you feel. We have all been through at least one painful break up in our life. I can still remember the pai
I felt when my first love broke my heart, although I have been now happily married to the same man for over 32 years. I have also watched my three children and family members go through their share of painful break-ups. I can certainly relate to the suffering and heartache you are experiencing and I feel for you.

You may possibly feel like you will never get over this pain. The good news is that you definitively will. You will be happy to know that the pain and the knot in the pit of your stomach that you may be experiencing won’t last forever. The feeling of heaviness, emptiness, and sadness that you might be feeling will lessen with each passing day and eventually disappear. You will heal and this too shall pass. I know it doesn’t feel that way now, but trust me on this.

How to Deal with a Relationship Break-up With Your Dignity Intact

Unfortunately, there are many people that stay stuck in the pain for a very long time. They may even do some things (sometimes without realizing it), that are counter-productive and just prolong the healing process, such as:

Thinking that you may get back together some day. If you are secretly hoping that your ex will realize that he/she has made a big mistake and beg you to take them back, you are probably going to end up disappointed. So stop looking for the, “How do I get him back?” solution. Yes, it does occasionally happen but the odds are slim. As long as you continue to fantasize that your ex will come back to you, you can’t let go.

Thinking that you can be friends. This is another big mistake. You can’t be friends with your ex. Maybe in the future, but not now. There should be no contact with your ex. Do not visit, phone, text, or e-mail. And no sex! Make a clean break and keep your dignity intact.

Thinking that your ex no longer cares about you. Remember that your ex didn’t break-up with you to cause you pain and suffering or because he/she no longer has feelings for you. In all probability the relationship was no longer working for him/her and they may not have seen a future with you.

Thinking about taking revenge. Thoughts of getting even may be going through your head. Don’t act on these thoughts. If you ignore this rule and take revenge (for example, by dating his best friend or disclosing old secrets just to hurt your ex) any chance of getting back together or even just being friends in the future will be shattered. Act with class and you won’t go wrong.

Heal a Broken Heartr
Remember that healing a broken heart takes time! Here are some basic tips that may help:

There is nothing wrong with crying. You are allowed to take a few days to mou
your loss.Take time to think about why the relationship went wrong. Try to focus on what you learned and not what you’ve lost. Seek support from good friends and family. Enjoy these special people in your life. There is more to life than romantic love. Do not underestimate the support that these people can provide. The more you socialize the better you’ll feel. Going out with friends can be very helpful; although, this doesn’t mean you turn into a party animal. Balance in all things. Work on rebuilding your life. Keep yourself busy by doing things you love to do. You will heal and move through the pain much faster.

Refrain from dating for a while. Avoid jumping into a rebound relationship. Holding off on romantic relationships for a while will give you a chance to heal and give you time to work through all the issues from your previous relationship. Seek counseling if you’re finding it extremely hard to let go of a relationship. An obsessive need to be with someone who no longer wants to be with you may be a sign of love addiction. If you think that your behavior is out of control and you just can’t seem to let go, get professional help.

As I said, breaking-up is hard, and the pain involved can be excruciating, but all is not lost – you get to keep the lessons learned, which are priceless. Don't look at past relationships as failures, but rather as opportunities to learn and improve your relationship skills. Take some time to re-evaluate what you need in a relationship. Know that this is not the end of the world and you will eventually find a loving relationship. Your ex is not irreplaceable. (My book A Matter of Destiny: How to Find and Marry Your Soulmate is a good place to start). You may have a few more break-ups to endure before you meet your soulmate and that’s ok. You will eventually win in the game of love. I Promise!
Wishing you a speedy recovery!
Joanne B. Parrotta
http://www.amatterofdestiny.com
http://www.wiseadvicebooks.com