The Most Effective Disciplining Technique For Children

Would you like to know about a method of parenting that increases co-operation of your children to 80%, enabling you to spend more time enjoying your children rather than being fed-up with their behaviour.nnWhen it comes to discipline most parents think of: chastisement, grounding or withdrawal of privileges. But do these methods work or do they cause you and the children unnecessary anger and resentment that pushes you further and further away from the loving intentions that brought them into this world in the first place?nnWhen we discipline our children using forms of “punishment” make no mistake we are exerting force on them. We become the household police, enforcing our rules and forcing them to do what they are expected and told. But what happens to us when we are told what to do by a work colleague, a friend or a spouse? Usually we resent them and do our level best at ignoring their order. nnAre our children to be any different?nnWe do seem to expect children to behave differently to how we behave. When we make demands on them this inevitably spirals into push-and-pull behaviour where we may all hold grudges. As a parent you may then feel the need to exert some form of force to re-establish your authority and make the child do as they are told. nBut is there a more effective method than force?nnThere is a more effective method than force. The method is power. Rather than exerting your force, you encourage your child’s power. The trick is learning how to do this…nnLet’s think of their bedroom. Usually this area is a mess. They love it, we hate it. We want them to tidy it. They want to have fun. For years I nagged and nagged my son, then I spoke to a coach working with families. She told me the trick was in gaining the child’s co-operation. Talking to them about their wishes and desires and then finding a level of tidiness and a system of monitoring and reward for keeping it clean. nnI applied the same technique with my daughter. She often spent time with her grandparents after school, but had become rude and cheeky. Focussing on what she would want - she’s six, so it boiled down to fun, fun, fun - we spoke about maximising her fun and gave her a set of ideas for doing this: smiling, having a high-five instead of arguing, getting a cuddle or a kiss when she felt upset rather than sulking. The result, an 80% increase in good behaviour. What this meant was instead of telling her off for being difficult everyday, the focus was on enjoyment and games. nnBy gaining your child’s co-operation you are using power, not force. Your children will have greater respect for you and for themselves. What’s more this method can be used without any yelling or threat. Focus on what they want, blend that with what you want and dangle a carrot of more time having fun swimming, reading or whatever they enjoy. nn