Most Common Myths about Marriage

There are many myths about what marriage is like. Many people develop their expectations about marriage based on myths. Television, books, and movies portray a variety of marriage myths that can actually be damaging to real married couples. Learning about the realities of marriage can give you a more realistic outlook on married life. Myth #1 – My Partner Will Meet All My Needs The movie Jerry Maguire includes the famous line, “You complete me.” Sadly, many people enter into a relationship with the hope that their partner will be able to fill the void and meet their needs. However, when a wounded soul clings to another soul, it’s unlikely they will find long-lasting satisfaction. If you aren’t “complete” while you’re single, marriage isn’t going to complete you. Your partner, or any other human being, could ever meet all of your needs. Expecting your partner to be able to do so will only lead to disappointment. Anticipating that your partner will sometimes meet some of your needs is a much more realistic view of a partnership. Myth #2 – I will Never Be Lonely Again Lots of people enter into a relationship or marriage assuming it will be the cure for loneliness. They think that having someone to share their time with will erase any opportunities to feel alone in life ever again. This just isn’t so. In fact, many people report feeling very lonely within their marriage. There will be times you think your spouse just doesn’t understand. There will be nights when your spouse isn’t home with you. There will be times when you feel lonely even when your spouse is sitting right next to you. Although it can be comforting to have a partner, it doesn’t cure all feelings of loneliness all the time. Myth #3 – No One Is Really Ever Happily Married Sometimes people think that marriage is just something that most people do, but that most married people aren’t happy to be married. Yikes. There are plenty of happily married couples out there. It might just be that you don’t happen to know any of them. If you resign yourself to a mediocre marriage, your marriage won’t ever become an exciting, passionate relationship. Instead, you’ll probably get what you wish for, at best. If you expect that your marriage will be just so-so, your low expectations will most likely lead to a self-fulfilling prophecy. If you expect to have a wonderful marriage, you’ll likely behave like a happily married person, which can increase your marital happiness. Myth #4- It’s Good to Stay Together for the Kids Many couples report that they only stay together for the sake of the children. Sadly, they aren’t likely doing the children any favors. If you aren’t happy in your marriage, your kids are going to suffer. Saying that you are together only for the kids likely means you have given up. If you have resigned yourself to be together only for the sake of the children, you probably have stopped putting in any effort into your relationship. It’s important to re-examine your values and beliefs if you think that staying together for the children is benefiting anyone. Consider counseling to determine what steps you could take to address your marriage. Myth #5 – Couples Counseling is Only for Couples with Big Problems The truth is that many couples can benefit from counseling. In fact, smaller problems are often great opportunities to address the relationship. Sadly, many couples wait until it’s too late to seek help. They may have already decided they want a divorce but want to attend a counseling session just to show “we tried everything” before divorcing. Sometimes people seem to want permission to get divorced. However, if they had sought out help sooner, they may have been able to address their differences.