Mother-Enmeshed Men: Did A Mother-Enmeshed Man’s Mother Want A Daughter?

If a man is focused on and often does things for his mother, he is going to be like a caretaker. Along with what he does for her, he might create the impression that he is happy to be there for her.

Based on how he behaves, it will be as though his sole purpose is to be there for his mother and that he doesn’t have any needs of his own. Or if he does, he only has a few basic needs.

Stepping Back

If a friend of his was to think about how he behaves, what might enter their mind is that he is more like his mother’s mother than her son. The reason for this is that due to how he behaves, he is going to be very nurturing.

He can then buy things for her, take her out, cheer her up when she is sad and be endlessly supportive, for instance. But, she might not be overly grateful for what he does as she could take how he behaves for granted and simply expect him to be there for her.

Lop Sided

Consequently, irrespective of how he comes across, he is going to be neglecting himself and his mother will be taking advantage of him. Yet, if he is not aware of what is going on, he won’t think about drawing the line let alone do so.

Therefore, while he will be nurturing and come across as easy-going and selfless; he will lack the ability to stand his ground and be assertive. From this, it will be clear that the feminine side of his nature is well-developed but the masculine side of his nature is under-developed.

Resistance

If he were to become aware of the fact that he is neglecting himself and imagined standing his ground and being assertive, he could end up feeling anxious guilty and ashamed. Unless he acts as though he is an extension of his mother and is a selfless human being, it will be as if he is doing something wrong.

In reality, he would be doing the right thing, but, for some reason, he doesn’t know this deep down. To understand why he is this way, it will be necessary to take a closer look at what took place during his formative years.

Back In Time

This may have been a time when he was treated more like a girl than a boy and had to be there for his mother. His mother may have wanted a daughter or perhaps had one but had a daughter who wasn’t willing to go along with the traditional role that she wanted her to play.

So, assuming that she didn’t have a daughter, she would have moulded her son, perhaps with the help of his father, into a boy who was very feminine. He would then have had to lose touch with his aggression, defiance, assertiveness, and need to be independent, amongst other things.

One Purpose

Instead, he would have been forced to be easy-going, agreeable, selfless, empathic and nurturing. And, of course, there is a chance that he was sensitive and it was easy for him to express these traits but he would have also had other sides, too.

By being approved of for being a non-entity who focused on his mother and punished when he wasn’t, he would have gradually lost touch with his true nature. His mother would then have had a son who was more like a daughter and someone who would be there for her.

A Replay

Most likely, his mother was deeply deprived during her formative years and craved being cared for. As this need was likely to have been outside of her conscious awareness, it would have caused her to unconsciously turn her son into a mother figure and deprive him of the love that he needed to develop a sense of self.

Along with losing touch with certain parts of his nature, then, he would have been forced to lose touch with a number of his development needs. Thanks to how he was treated, he would have ended up believing that his heeds and feelings were bad, and, if he expressed them, he would be rejected and/or abandoned.

An Invisible Prison

His only option at this stage, as he was powerless and totally dependent, was to be who his mother wanted him to be. With this in mind, there will be the role that the plays, and, under this role, will be someone who is developmentally stunted and in a lot of pain.

This is why he will have such a strong need to behave in the same way even though it is not serving him. If he was to just change his behaviour, he would soon come into contact with the parts of himself that he had to repress very early on in order to handle what was going on.

Awareness

If a man can relate to this and he is ready to change his life, he may need to reach out for exte
al support. This is something that can be provided with the assistance of a therapist or healer.