Mother-Enmeshed Men: Is A Mother-Enmeshed Man Stuck In An Emotionally Dependent State?

What a man could wonder, if he were to see that he is overly focused on his mother and her needs, is why he is like this. He might see that behaving in this way is causing him to neglect himself and his own life.

But, although this will be the case, he could find that he is not able to simply draw the line and spend more time being there for himself. Instead, he could find that he feels compelled to behave in the same way.

Stepping Back

There is an exercise that he can do to find out what is going on. So, if he were to find somewhere that is quiet and where he can relax, he could imagine that he stands up for himself and makes it clear to his mother that he can’t do as much for her.

After this, he could feel relieved and grateful that he has finally asserted himself. He could also soon experience a sense of freedom that he hasn’t felt for a long time, if at all.

Another part

However, even if he has this inner experience, it might not be long until he has a very different inner experience. He could then feel anxious and fearful, with it being as though his life is going to end.

If this is what takes place, he could soon come to the conclusion that there is no reason for him to feel this way. What might enter his mind is that as he is an adult, his survival doesn’t depend on his mother.

Exte
al Feedback

If he were to speak to a friend or family member about what is going on for him, this could be a time when his outlook is validated. So, they could say that he doesn’t need to focus on and please his mother to survive.

They could say that this is just something that he believes and, thus, has no basis in reality. After this, they could tell him that he needs to focus on his own life and that he is not here to take care of his mother’s needs.

The Next Step

Yet, as irrational as this will be, thanks to how strong his need is to be there for his mother and what happens when he goes against this need, he could feel trapped. It then won’t matter that what he believes is irrational.

At this stage, he could feel helpless and hopeless and question if his life will ever change. He might even believe that he won’t be free until his mother gives him permission to live his own life or passes on.

Not An optio

Nevertheless, if his mother is completely caught up with her own needs and expects him to be there for her, it is highly unlikely that she will give him permission. And, if he waits until she passes on, he could be waiting a very long time.

What will be clear is that he needs another option; one that doesn’t depend on his mother changing her behaviour or not being here. For him to find out why he experiences anxiety and fear and has the sense that his life is going to end when he thinks about changing his behaviour, it will be a good idea to take a closer look at his early years.

Going Deeper

This may have been a stage when he didn’t receive what he needed to grow and develop in the right way. Instead, practically from the moment he was born, he might have often been left and often received the wrong type of care when he wasn’t.

As the years went by and he became more capable, his mother might have used him to meet some of her needs. The outcome of this is that he would have been greatly deprived and deeply wounded.

Developmentally Stunted

If he had had an attuned mother who typically met his needs and who was truly there for him, along with an emotionally available father, he probably would have been able to go through each developmental stage. But, as this didn’t take place, he would have ended up being anchored to the stage of his life when he was emotionally dependent on his mother.

To handle what happened, his brain would have repressed how he felt and a number of his needs. This would have involved him disconnecting from his connected and embodied, true self and developing a disconnected and disembodied, false self.

Frozen In Time

The years will then have passed and his physical and mental self will have grown but his emotional self won’t have. He will be living on the surface of himself and, by focusing on and pleasing his mother, it will stop him from coming into contact with the pain and unmet developmental needs that our outside of his conscious awareness.

With this in mind, not being connected to himself and doing what is right for him will cause him to suffer but it would be even worse for him if he changed his behaviour and some of this repressed inner material was unlocked. He would end up being overwhelmed and feel like an abandoned boy, not a man.

Moving Forward

For him to go from an emotionally dependent to an emotionally interdependent state and act like an individual, he will have pain to face and work through and unmet developmental needs to experience, among other things. This will take courage, patience and persistence.

Awareness

If a man can relate to this and he is ready to change his life, he may need to reach out for exte
al support. This is something that can be provided with the assistance of a therapist or healer.