Mother-Enmeshed Men: Is A Mother-Enmeshed Mans Mother Embodying The Neediness That He Had To Disowned?

When a man is not working, he could often be doing things for his mother. It might not occur to her, either, that there are things that he needs to do and that he might be too busy to do something for her.

Therefore, thanks to how caught up she is with her own needs, it will seldom if ever enter her mind that her son also has needs. It will then be as if he is simply an extension of her and his primary purpose is to be there for her.

An Automatic Response

She can call or message him and, in general, it might not be long until he is doing something for her. At times, he might experience resistance but this might typically not stop him from doing what it is that she wants.

He can then be more like a machine that has been programmed to take care of her needs than a human being. After he has done something for her, he could feel frustrated and drained.

Weighed Down

Yet, even when he is not doing anything for her, he could feel drained and low. But, as he will be living a life where he generally overlooks a number of his own needs and does a lot for his mother, this is to be expected.

He can often feel as though he is carrying the weight of the world on his shoulders and that there isn’t anything that he can do. He might even hope that if he keeps doing what she wants, she will acknowledge his needs and expect less from him.

Another Part

If he is in a relationship, his girlfriend is also likely to be fed up with what is happening. It can be as though she is sharing him with another woman, as he won’t have much time for her.

And, as he will be giving a lot while receiving very little, when he is available, he is unlikely to be emotionally available or have much energy. He will be a shell of the man that he would be if he implemented boundaries with his mother and took care of his own needs.

A Half-Life

Yet, even if he isn’t in a relationship and doesn’t need to be there for anyone else, it won’t change the fact that he is overextending himself. Sooner or later, he could arrive at the stage where he has well and truly had enough of living in this way.

At this point, he can feel as though he has nothing left to give. Like a battery that has lost all of its charge; he won’t be able to give anything else.

Stepping Back

When he thinks about how he behaves, what might enter his mind is that he is like his mother’s parent. She is then like a needy child who can’t do a great deal for herself and this is why he has to take care of her.

Yet, what he can find is that even though he acts this way, he often feels like a needy child who is not very capable. But, as he is so caught up with his mother’s needs, he largely has to deny a number of his needs and how he feels.

The Same Old Story

If he were able to go back in time and observe what it was like for him as a child, he may see that what is going on for him as an adult is a continuation of what it was like for him as a boy. So, during this stage of his life, he might have had to ignore a number of his needs and focus on his mother’s needs, which would have caused him to be greatly deprived and deeply wounded.

In other words, he couldn’t be a boy and receive; he had to act like a parent and give. If he didn’t behave in this way, he is likely to have been punished in some way.

No Choice

And, as he was powerless and dependent, he couldn’t change her behaviour or find another mother. Part of him would have hoped that, if he did what she wanted, she would acknowledge his needs and meet them.

But, as his mother is likely to have been developmentally stunted, as a result of also being greatly deprived and deeply wounded during her formative years, she wouldn’t have been able to be there for him. Thus, no matter what he did, it wouldn’t have changed her behaviour.

Self-Alienation

To handle what took place, he would have had to lose touch with how he felt and a number of his needs. This would have meant that he lost touch with his connected true self and developed a disconnected and outer-directed false self.

As the years went by, his physical and mental self would have grown but his emotional self wouldn’t have. At this level, he won’t have grown beyond the needy infant, toddler or child that he once was.

A Reflection

With this in mind, his needy mother will be reflecting back the neediness inside him that he has lost touch with. For him to change his life, then, it will be essential for him to reconnect to his emotional self and face and work through the pain that was repressed all those years ago.

This will play a big part in allowing him to become a more integrated human being, move on from this stage of his life and embrace his power. This will take courage, patience, and persistence.

Awareness

If a man can relate to this and he is ready to change his life, he may need to reach out for exte
al support. This is something that can be provided with the assistance of a therapist or healer.