Mother-Enmeshed Men: Is A Woman’s Unmet Developmental Need To Be Loved Causing Her To End Up With Mother-Enmeshed Men?

What a woman is likely to be aware of, if she is with a man who is overly focused on his mother and is not available, is that a number of her needs are not being met. In fact, she could struggle to think of one need that is being met.

But, as he will rarely be around and when he is around he is likely to be out of reach, this is to be expected. So, when it comes to this area of her life, it will be as if she is living in a desert.

Missing Out

To use an analogy: she will be living on crumbs, with there being moments when she receives even less. However, although she won’t be receiving much from her partner, she is likely to be giving a lot to him.

There can be what she does for him and all the effort that she puts into trying to both understand and change him. Thus, she won’t just be playing her part she will be doing far more than she needs to.

Out of Balance

If she was to think about how much she does for him and how little she receives, what could soon stand out is that she is more like his mother than his partner. She might have been this way for a number of weeks or months.

Then again, she might have been this way for a number of years. If she has been this way for a number of years, she is likely to be in a bad way mentally and emotionally.

A natural outcome

Yet, as she will have given a lot and tried to change her partner for so long, it would be a surprise if she was any other way. Ultimately, she is an interdependent human being who has needs.

When her needs are not met, then, it is not going to be possible for her to function at her best. It’s not different how she would be if she only had a few scraps of food to eat each day – she would be malnourished.

Weighed Down

She wouldn’t have much energy and it would be hard for her to get out of bed each day. When it comes to her emotional and perhaps physical needs not being met, though, she will be emotionally malnourished.

Due to the impact that this will have on her, it might not matter what she eats. What this demonstrates is how her emotional self has an impact on every part of her being.

Drawing the line

Sooner or later, what could enter her mind is that it is time for her to cut her ties with him. At this point, she could believe that she calls it a day and saves herself, or she continues to abandon herself and continues to suffer.

If she was to call it a day, it could take a little while before she is able to get back on her feet. Once this has taken place, she would wonder why she ended up with a man like this and perhaps has been with other men like this.

A Patte
Assuming that this has taken place on more than one occasion, she could believe that all men are the same. What can play a part in her coming to this occlusion is that she could be very different to the men she has been with.

Furthermore, she is likely to live in a society where it is generally believed that someone is either ‘lucky’ or ‘unlucky’ when it comes to this area of their life. Unlike other areas, then, they won’t have a great deal of control over this area.

Another Angle

Nevertheless, what if there is far more to it and she is playing a part in why this area of her life is the way that it is? What she will need to keep in mind is that she doesn’t begin and end with her conscious mind.

Along with this part of her, she also has an unconscious mind, and this part of her is bigger and far more impactful than her conscious mind. When this is something that is not understood, it will be perfectly normal for her to believe that she just happens to end up with men who are not available.

Going Deeper

This other, hidden part of her will contain pain, unmet developmental needs and parts of herself. But, while these parts are outside of her conscious mind and she is not aware of them, they won’t lie dormant.

These elements will have an effect on how she experiences life. With this in mind, as she has continually ended up with men who can’t be there for her, it is likely to show that this is what this other part of her feels comfortable with.

Why is this?

At this level, she can have the need to be with a man who is unable to love her so that she can turn him into someone who can love. The reason for this is that she might have been deprived of the love that she needed as a child.

As this need didn’t disappear and was repressed, from behind the scenes, to so speak, it will cause her to unconsciously recreate relationships that are very similar to her early relationship with her mother and/or father. What this also illustrates is that this part of her projects her past onto her present and is unable to see that this stage is over and that other people are not her mother and/or father.

Moving Forward

For her to no longer look for what she missed out on as a child, she is likely to have a lot of pain to face and work through and unmet developmental needs to experience. When it comes to her unmet development needs, in addition to not being loved, this can be a time when she wasn’t protected, supported, held, encouraged, and cherished.

Engaging in this work will take courage and patience and persistence.

Awareness

If a woman can relate to this and she is ready to change her life, she may need to reach out for exte
al support. This is something that can be provided with the assistance of a therapist or healer.