Mother-Enmeshed Men: Was A Mother-Enmeshed-Man Used By His Mother?

Even though a man is in a position where he is overlooking a number of his own needs, due to how focused he is on his mother, it doesn’t mean that he will be consciously aware of this. But if someone pointed out that he does far more for her than he needs to, it doesn’t mean that it would go in.

Instead, he could say he is doing what any loving son would do, or words to that effect. Along with this, he might even accuse them of having something against his mother.

The Evidence Is There

However, if he is unable to face reality, there are likely to be a number of signs that show that he is out of balance. For example, he can often feel down and drained, and his life is unlikely to be very fulfilling.

But, as he will be overlooking a number of his needs, this is not going to be much of a surprise. Ultimately, he will be acting as if he is nothing more than an extension of his mother, not a separate human being who has his own needs, feelings and life to lead.

The other Side

Furthermore, his mother could simply expect him to be there for her and do things for her. Thus, it will be as if he is in a closed system, as neither he nor his mother will realise that this isn’t right and that something needs to change.

As things stand, then, there will be no reason for him to change his behaviour, and this will mean that his life will continue to be overlooked. If he does start to see clearly, it can be because he ends up dating a woman.

One Scenario

Assuming that this takes place, the woman can soon see that he is too caught up with his mother and needs to implement boundaries. She can see that although he is her son, he is acting more like her parent.

Yet, after she expresses her thoughts to him, he can become defensive and he can criticise her. Alte
atively, he can listen to what she has to say and agree with what she is saying.

Inner conflict

Even so, he can find that he still has the need to be there for her and is unable to assert himself. The mere thought of doing so can cause him to feel anxious, guilty and as if he would be betraying her.

The new understanding that he has is not going to have much of an impact on how he behaves. At this point, he can believe that he is powerless and that his mother is in control of how he behaves.

Another Approach

If he were to speak to his mother about what is going on for him and how he hasn’t got the energy or desire to behave in this way anymore, she might be listen to what he has to say and be very understanding. She could say that she expects too much from him and that he has to live his own life.

Alte
atively, she might not listen to what he has to say and soon change the subject. Or, she could listen but say that she did a lot for him when he was younger and that he should be there for her, or words to that effect.

A Brick wall

If he isn’t able to get through to her, he can go away feeling guilty and ashamed. He will then want to live his own life and will have expressed this to her, but it will be as if he is in the wrong.

It might not be long until he tries to get through to her again, though, only for the same thing to take place. What might enter his mind is that he is simply wasting his time and that his mother doesn’t care about his needs or how he feels.

The Same Old Story

He is then going to be her son, but she won’t treat him like it or acknowledge that he is a separate human being who has his own needs and feelings and life to lead. Instead, she will treat him like an object that simply exists to meet her needs.

But, as strange as this will be, there is a strong chance that this is how she has more or less always treated him. How he is behaving as an adult is how he had to behave as a child.

Back In Time

From a very young age, he is likely to have missed out on the attunement and care that he needed. The reason for this is that his mother is likely to have been developmentally stunted and unable to provide him with the love that he needed.

Due to this, she would have forced him to adapt to her and meet a number of her needs. At first, when he resisted, she would probably have expressed disapproval and even punished him, which would have caused him to slowly lose touch with his connected true self and develop a disconnected and outer-directed false self.

A Brutal Time

This would have involved him losing touch with how he felt and a number of his needs. He would have also been conditioned to believe that his needs and feelings were bad and that he was responsible for her.

Many years will have passed, and he will no longer be a powerless and dependent child, but as he was greatly deprived and deeply wounded, his survival will still be attached to her, and this conditioning will still be in place. For his life to gradually change, he will have beliefs to question, pain to face and work through, and unmet developmental needs to experience, among other things.

Awareness

If a man can relate to this and he is ready to change his life, he may need to reach out for exte
al support. This is something that can be provided with the assistance of a therapist or healer.