Mother Wounds: Can Someone Find It Hard To Trust If They Had An Unavailable Mother?

If someone’s developmental needs were rarely if ever met during their early years, it doesn’t mean that they will realise this. Thanks to how painful this stage of their life would have been, their brain would have ended up blocking out what took place.

This would have been something that automatically took place, which means that this wouldn’t have been something that they choose to do. If this hadn’t taken place, there is a strong chance that they wouldn’t be alive.

Too Much to Handle

Without being able to repress what was going on inside them, the pain and the arousal that they would have experienced would have probably wiped them out. So, although what took place at this stage of their life can be a complete mystery to their conscious mind, their unconscious mind will remember.

Another way of looking at this would be to say that other parts of their brain and body will know all about what took place. In general, what is held in other parts of their being can be held back by the parts of their brain that aid in repression.

The Symptoms

By having this experience very early on, there are likely to be a number of consequences. First, it can be extremely difficult for them to experience trust, and this will impact them in a variety of ways.

This can make it hard for them to relax and let go, to know that their needs will be met and to open up to others. This is because they will have learned very early on, that they can’t rely on others to be there for them and to meet their needs.

The Root

What this shows is how important this stage of their life was, with this being from the moment when they were born until they were around one year old. If they had received the right care during this stage of their life, they would probably have strong foundations.

Their experience on this planet could then be the complete opposite of what it is currently like. They would have a deep sense of trust when it comes to their ability to meet their needs and know that people are generally reliable and will be there for them.

Mental and Emotional Health

As a result of this, it would probably be easier for them to be able to settle down and to feel at ease. The reason for this is that their need to feel on edge and worry about having what they need and their life going as they want it to go would subside.

They would probably find that they are able to meet their basic needs without too much trouble and this would allow them to thrive instead of merely surviving. This would take away a lot of unnecessary stress and allow them to focus on ‘higher’ goals and pursuits.

Another Area

As for their relationships, they would probably have a number of close friends. These can be real friendships, so people who they truly open up to as opposed to people who are simply associates.

They will be able to be intimate with these people, to share how they feel and express their needs. Additionally, they might be in an intimate relationship or have been in a number of them.

It’s Natural

Therefore, connecting with another and forming a strong bond with them won’t be a big deal. Letting go and surrendering around another - being in their feminine - will feel comfortable.

Being able to form these kinds of relationships will deeply enrich their life and have a positive effect on their well-being. Still, this doesn’t mean that they will never be hurt or that this area of their life will always go perfectly.

What happened?

If they were able to go back in time, they may see that when they were an infant and then perhaps as a toddler, they were often left and when their mother was there, she was unable to attune to their needs. Being left and having a mother who was unable to attune to their needs would have deeply traumatised them.

Their mother might have been emotionally unavailable and unable to truly be there for them. By being in a shut down state and lacking empathy, it may have meant that she believed that a baby needed to adjust to her needs, not the other way around.

A Brutal Time

As they were totally powerless and dependent at this stage of their life, they wouldn’t have been able to change their mother’s behaviour or run away and find a mother who could love them. They had to repress how they felt and to disconnect from themselves, with their true self withdrawing in the process.

The pain that they had to repress at this stage of their life will be inside them, as will the associations that were formed. For them to change their life and to be able to trust, they will need to work through this pain.

Awareness

If someone can relate to this and they are ready to change their life, they may need to reach out for exte
al support. This is something that can be provided with the assistance of a therapist or healer.