Mother Wounds: Why Would A Mother Emasculate Her Son?

What a man could find, if he was to reflect on his life, is that he is more like a wolf that has been domesticated than a wolf that lives in the wild. To go even further, he could think about how he has the tendency to be passive, feel low and be a people pleaser and finds it hard to stand his ground.

He could see that he has been this way for as long as he can remember and could believe that he was simply born this way. Naturally, living in this way is not going to allow him to live a life that is very fulfilling.

One Area

If he was to think about the people who are in his life, he could see that he often does what they want and that he rarely asserts himself. This can mean that they will carry a fair amount of anger and resentment.

At times, he might be humiliated by some of the people in his life and seen as someone who doesn’t have a problem with being put down. If this does often happen, he could just suck it up and not create the impression that he has an issue with what is going on.

Another Area

If he is in an intimate relationship, he could be with someone who doesn’t truly respect or value him. As with his friends and perhaps his family, he could often be put down and treated like he’s an idiot.

Once again, he could largely tolerate what is going on and not make it clear that this behaviour is not acceptable. Or if he ever does stand up for himself, he could lose it and then go back to how he was before.

One More

When he is at work, he could also be walked over by a number of people and not respected. But, as with the other areas of his life, he can just put up with it and not make it clear that this kind of behaviour is not acceptable.

He could also be ready to go to the next level and be promoted but he might not have the belief or the drive that he needs to be able to take the next step. Or, if he has been able to move upwards, he might not truly believe that he deserves to be there and could often be filled with doubt.

A Bleak Existence

At this point, assuming that he has been able to step back and reflect on his life, he could be well and truly fed up with the life that he leads. It will be as though he is just making up the numbers.

He could notice that, deep inside him, a need is growing for him to grab life by the horns and start pulling up trees, so to speak. Yet, due to this, he will need to gradually let go of the version of himself that is not empowered and embrace a version of himself that is.

What’s going on?

Even if he does believe that he was simply born this way, there is a strong chance that there is far more to it. For him to start to understand why he is this way, it will probably be a good idea for him to take a closer look at what took place during his formative years.

This might have been a stage of his life that was anything but nurturing, with him being undermined by both of his parents. His mother might have had more in common with a tyrant than someone who was a source of nurturance and his father might have had more in common with a doormat than someone who was a source of strength.

One Part

So, like the shadow of the night sky over the land below, he might have felt smothered, trapped and undermined by his mother. This was then someone who didn’t provide him with the love and support that he needed; it was someone who deprived him of what he needed.

Along with this, she might have rewarded him for doing what she wanted, not getting angry and staying in the background and punished him for doing the opposite. Ultimately, she would have ended up with a boy but what she probably wanted was a girl.

Another Part

As for his father, he might have often been used by his mother to snuff out any signs of individuality, defiance or masculinity that he expressed. Therefore, if ever he didn’t want to do something or expressed anger or himself, he might have been ‘disciplined’ by his father.

In this case, both of his parents will have worked together to stop their son from developing into an individual who was in his power. Most likely, his father had already been stripped of his power long before he even met his son’s mother.

Self-Protection

It can seem strange why a mother would undermine her son in this way and end up with a man who is also estranged from his power. In all likelihood, his mother grew up with an abusive father or a mother or another family member who was abusive.

Either way, she would have unconsciously feared that if she didn’t undermine her son, he would end up growing into someone who would tyrannise her in the same way that she was tyrannised. Thus, her motivation was not actually to undermine her son, it was to stop herself from coming into contact with the tyrant who lived inside her and would have ended up being projected onto her son.

Inner Conflict

The man that she ended up with - the man’s father - would have been a man that she unconsciously chose because he wouldn’t threaten her. She may then have complained that he lacked backbone and wouldn’t stand up for himself, but, another, bigger part of her would have felt comfortable with how he behaved.

If he was a man who was in his power, she wouldn’t have been attracted to him; instead, she would have been repelled by him. It could be said that the man reminded her of how she felt throughout her childhood years and so, when she was criticising him, she was really criticising the part of herself that felt totally helpless.

Moving Forward

Now, thanks to what he went through throughout this stage of his life, he is unlikely to have access to a great deal of his consciousness. He is likely to live on the surface of himself and be in a deeply repressed state.

For him to become more integrated and connected to his feelings and instincts, he is likely to have a lot of pain to work through. This is something that will take courage and patience and persistence.

Awareness

If a man can relate to this and he is ready to change his life, he may need to reach out for exte
al support. This is something that can be provided with the assistance of a therapist or healer.