Motherhood is a Journey Not a Destination.

I am a mother and I know the tremendous amount of pressure we can put on ourselves to get X amount of things done in X amount of time all while managing to keep the house clean and getting the vitamins and vegetables down the throats of our little ones. At times it can become overwhelming and if you aren’t careful you begin to view your role as mother more as a destination rather than the journey that it truly is. If you think of your own mother, your grandmother or older women with grown children it becomes obvious that this vital role is more about a particular life journey rather than a simple destination spot. Here are two lessons that I have learned along the way.

1. Super Mom is a cartoon character. Perhaps there are mothers who can do it all –clean, cook, teach, and play – and still look good. To all of you I say, You go girl! For many mother’s, this is not the case. I have actually gone to the grocery store with two different shoes on. And matching socks –forget about it- I haven’t worn a matching pair of socks except in accidental occurrences since my fourth child was born. What I have had to do is develop a mission for my parenting consisting of the key things that I wanted to convey to my children. I asked myself, What in the heck do I want my children to take with them into adulthood as a result of having been raised in their parents household. What will most support them as adults? The answers to these simple question has made it easier for me to stay focused and emotionally present for my children. I want my children to have a love of learning, to appreciate the differences in others, to be thoughtful and treat people how they want to be treated, and to honor themselves by acting from their own hearts rather than following the behaviors of others. Developing a mission or philosophy for my parenting also helped me to remember not to sweat the small stuff. I noticed early that having a spotless house was not on my immediate list and this freed me from compulsive cleaning and allowed me to focus on the things that really matter.
2. Imperfection is to be expected. Not being perfect in everyway for your children is especially unnerving for mothers. If not evaluated carefully, the thought itself can send you to the couch of the first available counselor. After all, the work we do as mothers is the single most important work that can ever be done. Through our intimate bonds with our children, they learn much about the world, relationships, and themselves. Who among us wants to screw that up? The reality of imperfection – even in parenting - is part of life. When mothers get that lesson, the children are gifted in that they learn that it is okay to make mistakes. They learn that perfection is nothing more than a simple dictionary word. Think of the pressure release and how freeing it is for a child to get this lesson. The key is to always do your best and to be open to learning at all times. I am college educated and hold a master’s degree but for me parenting has been the most intense learning experience that I have ever had. Who can teach patience and play as well as little people? Who so desperately needs to re-lea
it as much as us big people. Before bed each night I reevaluate the day spent with my children. Some nights I say, Today was a good mommy day, which usually means that there was quality time spent, learning took place, everyone was fed and their were hugs and kisses flowing. Then there are those not so good mommy days like on Sundays when I wash and style all three of my daughters hair, or if I have had to break up sibling fights or have used the clear your mind corner repeatedly. On these days when my head falls on the pillow I am so exhausted that my reevaluation is usually only four words - God willing tomorrow is coming.

I thought to write this article for a while as a means to share some valuable lessons that I have learned since becoming a mother. I am a life coach and a trained counselor but still I have the need to remind myself of the very thing I tell my clients and that is Remember to Breathe. Every temper tantrum, scrape, bruise, hurt feelings, and other emotions or experiences are traumatic for the children as well as the parents who care for them. When we remember to breathe, sometimes having to go to our own calm down corners, we learn to flow with the current of whatever is happening in the moment. We learn to take it all in stride and model patience and adaptability to our children. Remember, it’s a journey not a destination. Just breathe.