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***Moving Toward the Promised Land

Topic: Positive PsychologyBy Dr. Barbara Becker HolsteinPublished Recently added

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Personal freedom is essential for happiness, for mental well-being and to feel comfortable as an Enchanted Self - someone able to access positive states of meaning again and again, while living a life of meaning and purpose. In the past I have talked about the Exodus from Egypt as a metaphorical example of some of the struggles that we all face in obtaining personal freedom.

Today, let's look at the notion that the Hebrews kept their own language. We could expand that to mean that they expressed themselves in words that had essence to them, that fit their world view. We know that words have subtle meanings attached to them. Every time we speak in a different language, we slightly change the world view of what we are saying and what it means. An easy example is the word 'snow.' Eskimos have 40 ways to talk about snow. We, as far as I know, have only one way. An Eskimo can actually see subtleties in the white expanse that would completely pass me – and most of us – by. Thus, we each carry our world view, composed of the unique memories, feelings and impressions we have collected through our lives.

Every day we have reactions and interpretations of what we do, what we see, what we feel. These may be quite consistent with the world we live in, but will still have a uniqueness based on what we give to the experience of being alive. Every day, as we step out of our homes, as we get on the bus, as we go to work, as we talk to our friends, as we process information, we do it through our eyes, not someone else's. In fact, if we try to live exactly like someone else, it just doesn't feel right. It feels lousy. We feel like we've been pushed and sometimes we feel diminished - that how we really feel or think doesn't count.

Let me talk a little about how this works by sharing what a friend told me awhile ago during a bad time in her marriage.
She had gone to a lecture where the speaker talked about how we all have to go out of our own personal Egypt at times in our lives. She said that was certainly how she was feeling, struggling through some bad days with her marriage where she often felt criticized or misunderstood. She felt that the language between them no longer worked. All words seemed to lead to further arguments and put-downs.

She was trying to find ways to honor herself through speaking “her own language.” For example, one day she went out with her friends, shopping and having so much fun. She felt as if she was leaving her Egypt for a day and meeting her own needs. She could speak in ways that were understood, and relax without fear of conflict. She could laugh. Her friends “got it” - whatever “it” was, they all understood each other. She quickly found herself feeling uplifted during that day's outing.

My friend left her own Egypt by maintaining a sense of her own needs and what made her joyful. In her case shopping, good conversation, and laughter with friends was a successful recipe for well-being. She knew she hadn't reached the Promised Land yet. She knew she had a difficult marriage to work on and/or ultimately leave, but she found a way to at least temporarily release and be true to herself.

That's what The Enchanted Self is all about. If we can keep achieving positive states of mind, body and spirit, then we move closer to really working on the expression of our true selves, in ways that can only bring us personal satisfaction and be of positive benefit to others and the world at large!

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About the Author

Dr. Holstein is the originator of THE ENCHANTED SELF(R) and a positive psychologist in private practice since 1981. She is the author of The Enchanted Self, A Positive Therapy, Recipes for Enchantment, The Secret Ingredient is YOU!, Delight, and now The Truth (I'm a girl, I'm smart and I know everything). Dr. Holstein speaks on radio, and appears on television in NY and NJ. Her website is www.enchantedself.com . She gives lectures, seminars, teleclasses and her quotes appear often in national magazines. She has a weekly radio show on www.inte etvoicesradio.com , Kids, Tweens and Teens, A Positive Psychologist Looks at All Three.n

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