“My Story of Finding Grace”

At one time in my life I lived in a 6 by 9 foot little room with no windows, no running water, no bathroom, and no kitchen, I really had nothing. But eventually I survived and thrived through that whole process… with the help of God.

At one point in my life things were difficult, I lived in the very tiny little place with nothing. And I was always second guessing God, I had questions all the time, I had all kinds of doubts, and I was always in a state of wanting to know more, wanting to have answers, and wanting to understand. But my questioning and doubting only created more doubts and more questions, and thus more feelings of despair.
Late one night I was feeling full of despair and screamed out “I AM NOT GIVE UP GOD”. And a sense of peace came over me, a sense of being loved, a sense of contentment, and a feeling that everything would be OK no matter what happened. And in the silence a voice came to me and said “Surrender, I will take care of everything” and I could not believe it. For you see I was always fighting and scrapping my way through life, and trying to make things work with force, but for years none of this had worked. Oh there would be the minor success here and there, but on the average nothing was going in the right direction.

And when I heard those words come unto me I broke down into tears. I was tired of fighting, I was tired of doubting, and I was very tired of questioning everything little thing. And thus right then and there I decided that I would surrender to God. Surrender to His Will, not my will, and let go of all the constant thinking, all the constant doubting, and all the constant questioning of every little thing. And you know what? Life took on a whole new look, things became much simpler then, everything took on a whole new brilliance, and thus I was reborn from a consciousness standpoint into a new life. And after that for a few days I was in a state of grace, a state of love, a place of contentment, as I walked here and there noticing all the people running from one place to another. And I just smiled because I knew that none of that running, none of that chasing, none of that pushing and fighting was doing anything important.

And I have to say that for the most part people around me didn’t understand. They could not understand why I was not one of them fighting my way through life. And would I tell this story most couldn't comprehend, it’s was as though I speaking in a foreign language. Because they were so entrenched in their way of being, just like I was a few days before. They were just like me before this happened, and thus I had great compassion for all of them… and I still do have great compassion for all of those who are caught up in the fight and all the despair that goes along with it.
Thus from that point on I would listen with my heart, and also listen to my heart because that’s where God resides. And I hear that voice and say “Yes” and move forward according to the great plan. Letting go of all doubts, letting go of all questioning, letting go of all need to really understand any of it. Because peace is much more important than worldly knowledge, and wisdom is much more important than material things, and thus letting go of Maya was a blessings.

For you see out of adversity one can find blessings, blessings that go beyond our physical world in to the world of the divine. Perhaps it’s only when we have enough adversity that we start to opening our heart to what God is saying. Otherwise we are caught up in the world and think we have all the answers when in general we don’t have a clue. But when the chips are down and life in general is on the table, finally consciousness can expand enough to allow us to open up to the divine. To allow us to find that great peace and grace that we all want so desperately, and grace is there for everyone when we are ready.

Many Blessings to Everyone!

Dr. Paul Haider