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We are all stepping up to our soul’s greatest task; evolve and align to the highest experience and expression of the fullness of our being, and the birthing of a new world.
Big, lofty words! Don’t you agree? But how does this translate in our every day life experiences? The opportunities are available to us in every moment of our life, in every thing we do, to show up, to respond either from our “small self” or from the fullness of our true Being. It is up to us to choose how we show up and to discern what our motivation is.
How we respond to challenges and breakdowns is compelling evidence that reflects to us where we are in our own development and evolution. When we are confronted with a challenge, no matter how large, we have choices, in spite of how out of our control the situation may appear to be. Our responsibility is always in how we respond, from our fear, insecurity, insufficiency, from seeing ourselves small and victimized, or from our larger, deeper and radiant Self.
On our evolutionary journey, challenges are opportunities to practice living from a deeper place of truth and wisdom. The choice is ours! If we lack the map, the blueprint, the skills and awareness on” how” to do this, we have the choice to seek help in order to develop the “how”.
I speak from my own experience of having to navigate through many challenges. How did I respond, from which part did I presence myself in the face of a very recent challenge? At first I responded from the part of myself that is still grieving (the loss of my beloved son), still feels fragile and sensitive in the face of challenges. Feelings of insecurity, fear and uncertainty burst out from the vulnerable part of myself, almost as if I had no control over them. The many faces of the “wounded and victimized” little girl in me; the son-less mother; the motherless daughter; and the “abandoned” woman, this is the part of myself that responded to this disconcerting news. This aspect of my Self was angry, hurt; it felt betrayed, alone, lost and very small. I saw her “falling” down into the dark “rabbit hole” of my unconscious.
The person involved in the situation that caused me turmoil, tried to help me see the situation from his adult, mature, rational self, I was inconsolable, however. I did not blame them; I was just hurt, very hurt and that was it! I could not access my wisdom, my clarity, my love, compassion and radiant Self. I was a hurt, inconsolable, alone little girl, lost in the darkness, but there was a glimpse of light that I could see in the distance, yet again.
At first I was disappointed and discouraged with myself. What happened to my many years of “working” intensely with myself in order to get to a deeper place of truth, clarity and wisdom? Why was I still feeling these “old” emotions, which were congruent with an old victim identity and not a reflection of the empowered, mature, wise and free woman I was becoming? For several days I was struggling with myself. I was, simultaneously, feeling small and vulnerable, and condemning myself for it. I was not in the place of love, clarity and compassion, my safe inner sanctuary. My instinct was to run! To run away from myself, I was abandoning myself…yet again!
What does one do during this existential predicament? An imperceptible awareness, at first, made its way into my consciousness. This awareness had always been there, I had not paid attention to it, as I was too distracted by the struggle inside of myself, I was too busy torturing myself to see it. This awareness slowly became bigger and louder, I responded to it as if I was waking up from a trance. I was waking up from the trance of self-unconsciousness and coming back to myself. What did I do next? What I always do when I find myself in this spot; I choose to surrender to a force larger and deeper than my small self, I turn to the Light, the intelligence and creative power of life in me. At this point, I am willing to let go, give up the way of thinking and believing that has produced the self-struggle. I am willing to suspend all judgments, perceptions, interpretations and beliefs. I stand only for the TRUTH! Nothing else matters, only the truth! I align myself with the truth by making the clear intention that what I want is the truth that sets me and everyone else involved free.
I crawled out of the “rabbit hole” I had fallen into. I started sensing a deep peace awakening inside. I felt my heart starting to soften and come alive… life…I felt life inside, and it radiated a strong, vibrant, warm light. I was waking up to myself, motivated by my inner light, love, truth and desire to align myself with the goodness of life that is forever enduring. I was able to extend compassion and love to my vulnerable self that had been inconsolable. I was, once again, experiencing wholeness and connection with myself.
From here it was easy to behold the larger picture, the higher meaning of the situation, which, was easily acceptable from this place of deeper, wider Self. From this perspective, the situation did not even seem like a challenge or breakdown any longer, it was just a situation that presented itself to me to in order for me to assess its meaning and allow it to be another opportunity for me to practice responding, showing up in life from my true, authentic and free Self.