Navigating Change

I remember being a young mom and finally getting my baby on a routine.

Oh, I've got it down now. I just need to feed him at 7, change his diaper, and put him down for a nap from 9-10:30. I have a whole hour and a half to take my shower, do the dishes, make phone calls...

Finally! I had figured it out! I could do this mom thing. :-)

Until...

He changed! :-0 What?!

He entered a new phase and didn't want to go down for his nap at 9 anymore. Even when he finally fell asleep, it was only for 30 minutes! When would I take my shower? What was I supposed to do now? Help!

Welcome to life. Things change. We change. It's natural and normal, and yet, it can rock our world.

Predictability, routines, sameness provide a sense of security. We depend on life to run a certain way. It helps us to function well in the world.

However, when we decide to shift the plates (or they get shifted for us), we experience a period of destabilization.

Where's my foundation? Where's my safe, predictable world?

We enter the realm of unfamiliarity and find that we don't know how to do this part very well, if at all.

Physiologically, our brains and bodies have been hardwired to expect certain things. This part of us is responsible for keeping us safe - ensuring our survival. When seemingly threatened, an automatic protective response rises up before we can think it through.

The next thing we know, we want to run back to the familiar. But depending on the circumstance, the familiar may no longer exist - especially when there is a death, a divorce, or the loss of one's health.

On the other hand, if it is possible to go back to the familiar (an old relationship, bad habit, negative thinking patterns...), we may realize that it just doesn't fit who we are now or who we want to be, confirming that we must move on.

We may also encounter our own resistance - especially when the change isn't something we've consciously chosen. Even when we have chosen the change - such as committing to a morning exercise regimen - the resistance is sure to raise its stubborn head and determine to keep us repeatedly hitting the snooze button.

What can we do?

This is the time to accept the journey of change and growth without giving up.

Remember, we've had a lot of practice living the other way and doing the other things. Practicing the new way requires effort and feels awkward at first. This means that there may be some regressions and setbacks, but count it as part of the package.

It takes time to adjust to the changes in our lives. We need to give ourselves room for the destabilization and adaption period.

And like learning to navigate my baby's new routine, eventually we will find our equilibrium in this new place.