Needs You Are Not Aware of Might Harm Your Relationships! How to Identify Them and De-activate Their Power

There are many needs of which you are NOT aware that control you and harm your interactions with your partner.
It is only when you develop Self-Awareness and get a grip of these needs that you can de-activate the power they exert over you and stop harming your relationships.

KATE’S CARE-TAKING BEHAVIOR

Every time Kate begins a relationship, she immediately begins taking care of her partner: he should eat properly; dress properly; his weekly schedule should be orderly; he should remember to go to the dentist.

Kate is surprised - despite all this - to find herself, time after time, abandoned and alone.

EXPLANATION

Kate perceives herself as a loving, romantic, devoted woman, who takes care of her partner. Kate is NOT aware that she is controlled by an UNCONSCIOUS NEED FOR LOVE AND ACCEPTANCE.

ANALYSIS

There can be different reasons for Kate’s behavior:

1) She might lack self-confidence and therefore needs love and affection in order to feel she is worth something;
2) Since childhood she might have been competing with her older sister and has developed an unconscious need for constant attention and confirmation;
3) As a child, she might have not felt that her parents cared about her. Now, in her adult relationships, she expresses the same conce
for her partner that she would have liked her parents – and now her partner - to express to her.

Whatever the reason for Kate’s need for attention, acceptance and love, she is NOT aware that this need CONTROLS her. Without consciously deciding to do so, she has developed a behavioral pattern of taking care of her partner. When she does - so she believes – she will get back from him the warmth, attention and love she so much craves for.

HOW DOES KATE’S CARING BEHAVIOR SABOTAGES HER RELATIONSHIPS

What Kate does NOT see or understand is that her great conce
for her partner is interpreted by him as prying, smothering, and an attempt at controlling him.

When Kate is abandoned, her unconscious need for love and attention increases even more. It drives her to get quickly into another relationship in which, once again, she will take care of her partner. This pattern is liable to repeat itself over and over again.

SELF-AWARENESS WILL ENABLE KATE TO IDENTIFY HER SELF-SABOTAGING BEHAVIORS

Once she develops self-awareness, identifies and understands the needs that control her, Kate will be able to halt this pattern and have the option of CHOOSING to behave in healthier ways; of expressing conce
for her partner IF AND WHEN SHE CHOOSES, without overdoing it.

NOT BEING AWARE OF YOUR NEEDS HARMS YOUR RELATIONSHIPS

Not being aware of the needs which control you and of the way(s) they manifest themselves in your interactions with your partners, you are likely to harm your relationships time and over again without even realizing it.

A Sample of unconscious needs:

* The need for attention, love and acceptance.
* The need for control and power.
* The need for independence.
* The need for social status.
* The need for respect.
* The need for security.

SELF-AWARENESS AS A MEANS TO BECOMING AWARE OF YOUR NEEDS

If you wish to become able to identify the needs which control you and harm your relationships, understand how they manifest themselves in your interactions and de-activate their power, you can do so by developing Self-Awareness.

The insights you will gain will enable you to halt automatic reactions and behaviors that you have used until now to supply these needs, and consciously choose other ways of interaction, vital to cultivating a healthy and satisfying relationship.