Transformation - it is all about questions

Have you ever noticed that the older you get, the fewer friends you have, the fewer new things you experience, and the fewer risks you take? The result? Less ecstasy! In actuality, it doesn't make sense. Instead of expanding as you grow, you shrink. When you can relate to this scenario, it is high time for personal transformation. Unless, of course you like the way it is!

"Don't talk to strangers!" Most of us who grew up in the city, have heard this sentence before. Our parents wanted to protect us, and planted into our consciousness the fear of strangers. Let us fast forward to "the now". You might be in your twenties, thirties, forties or older. Do you find it difficult to create new friendships, new relationships? If so, do you realize that you are still afraid of strangers? An old belief that was necessary for your survival many years ago became a major hindrance to your joy, fulfillment and growth today.

Once in a while you probably buy a new pair of shoes. After a while, even the best shoes wear out. What do you do? You throw away the old shoes and buy a new pair. But what do you do when your beliefs, opinions and points of view, wear off and do not support you anymore? You hold them closer to your heart and do your best to defend them thus keeping them alive. This unreasonable attitude is called righteousness. There is a simple equation in human psychology, which states that the more righteous you are the more you suffer.

Now choose!

Transformation happens when you choose to question your beliefs, opinions and point of view. It is that simple! Most of us grew up with an immense assortment of rigid, inflexible, and permanent concepts. We learned them at home, in school, and within our society and culture. We were taught that maintaining strong beliefs, opinions and points of view makes one a powerful, reliable, grounded, serious, and intelligent person. Well, is that so? Let's imagine that you have to cross a river. You look everywhere, until finally you find a boat. Happily you row the boat to the other shore. There, you find a desert, which you need to cross, in order to get to your destination. You put the boat on your shoulders and start crossing the desert. Smart ha? As funny as it sound, this is how we regularly deal with issues in our lives. We find a belief, a concept, a principal that works for us in a certain situation. And then we try to forcefully apply it to any other situation coming our way. When it doesn't work, therefore becoming a burden on our shoulders, we don't even question it. Instead, we blame the desert, the sun or the government, but we never question our need of the boat.

One of our limiting beliefs is that it takes time to change, or that it is a process. Let's get clear about it. Change is gradual (growing old). Transformation happens in an instant (growing up). Change is local and temporary (losing weight). Transformation is wider and permanent (becoming healthy). Change is in the outside circumstances (avoiding fearful situations). Transformation is in the inner world, which creates the outer circumstances (transforming fear into excitement).

You cannot create transformation, only the conditions for it to occur. You need to question your concepts and be open to the answers. Allow whatever answer that comes, to be there.

On the surface it appears that there is no risk in questioning your old beliefs, opinions and points of view. If after questioning them, they seem to support you, then reclaim them. This time they are yours (not your parents', teachers', society's, church's, etc...) If they are not supporting you then dropping them becomes an enormous advantage. A gift to yourself. But if it is that simple, why is it that we usually need a major crisis (heart attack, divorce, accident) in order to do it? There is one risk! The risk of discovering that for a longer or shorter while, we held onto concepts that were false. Meaning, we made a mistake. Which we translate as 'I am stupid.' And we don't like to admit that? Do we?

For some people this realization comes with the old monopoly metaphor: "it is like going back to square number one!"

My reply? "It is better than spending the rest of your life in jail!"

Article by: Nisandeh Neta, founder of Open Circles, an international center for personal-growth and leadership.
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