Overcoming Disappointment and Losing Gracefully

Kathleen stood on stage ramrod straight beneath the bright lights, a smile pasted on her face. She was stunned, just couldn’t believe she had lost, but the proof was in the bouquet the winning contestant held in her arms.

Was her gown not right? Her hair? Were her teeth not white enough? What was the reason she didn’t even place? She thought she had answered all the questions correctly.

Choking back tears, it was all she could do to keep from running off the stage, but her deep sense of loyalty kept her riveted to the spot. Her friends and family were in the audience. Did they sense her shame and embarrassment?

Every year, hundreds of beauty pageant contestants, like Kathleen, become members of a special sorority for women who seek career advancement, self-development and travel. Here’s what a former Miss Hawaii USA had to say about her own pageant experiences:

“When the pageant winner’s name was called, I flashed my smile and tried to be graceful, given the circumstances. All that work and expense. I just plain wasn’t good enough. The questio
I asked myself was “Why not?”

When I saw some of the lavish gowns the other girls were wearing, I felt mine didn’t measure up. I should have seen a dentist, but I couldn’t afford it. At least I didn’t have to hide my crooked tooth any longer. My beautician friend did my hair in an upsweep; maybe I should have worn it down.

I left the auditorium as soon as I could get away. I didn’t want to see or talk to anyone. I just needed to be left alone. Once inside my apartment, I totally lost it, ranting and raving, swearing I would never enter a beauty pageant again. I ended up entering the pageant three more times and losing three more times. I was done beating myself up. No more pageants.

I really meant it, until six months later when I got the pageant itch again. Although I had lost four Miss Hawaii USA pageants, I had learned this was typical. So I watched and listened. Besides being beautiful, the winners were impeccably professional, poised and exuded grace. They had worked with a pageant coach to hone their speaking voice, select gowns, bathing suits and accessories. Hair and make-up experts were consulted. I realized if I wanted to win, I too needed expert help and that’s what I focused on months before entering my fifth pageant. I meditated and pushed negativity from my mind. I used positive self-talk and visualization, envisioning myself as the winner, wearing a banner and clutching an armful of roses. Mostly, I learned my own style. On my fifth and final attempt, I became Miss Hawaii USA.”

Everything of importance undergoes change.

Today’s beauty pageants lean more toward self-development than physical attributes. It’s not how many times you fail that creates character. It’s how quickly you pick yourself up!