Pacing To Build Rapport

Pacing is a method used to build wide rapport quickly and also to gain compliance and leadership over the conversation. This technique is not based on the words either of you are speaking... but rather subconscious connection and a 'merging' of energy fields.

There are two primary aspects to pacing, body language and verbal pacing. Body language can be broken down into two equally important parts... positioning and energy. Verbal pacing can be broken down similarly, into tonality and tempo.

Yeah, yeah that's great Dave, you may be saying to yourself... "but how does all this technical mumbo-jumbo help me?". Easily! We use pacing in two stages (see a pattern here?) Mirroring, and leading.

Mirroring is the first pacing stage, this builds rapport, trust and connection. The concept of mirroring is simple you match the other person... like looking in a mirror. You do this first by matching their physical energy.

If the person is laid back and low key, then you need to match that with an equally laid back attitude... If they are enthusiastic and energetic then you need to match that. Next you must mirror their positioning, sync your movements with them, your posture, your body language. If they cross their legs cross your legs, if they lean back then lean back. Do this nonchalantly... be subtle about this until it becomes natural for you... wait a second or two from the time they do it before you do as well. As your match your body language pace to theirs you will build a strong subconscious feeling with them of being "on the same wave length".

Next you must mirror them vocally, match their tempo first, and then their volume and inflection (tonality). This part will build the "same wave length connection" on a conscious level.

After mirroring for a few minutes of the conversation, you may then take the lead.

To lead you move through body language first, verbal second... however the parts to each aspect will be switched. Start by leading the posture... try crossing your leg or tapping a foot... and watch them follow your lead... when they follow your lead you know you can then position their body language into a state conducive to your desired outcome. If they do not follow, go back to mirroring and build a stronger connection, then test your lead again. Next you can begin manipulating the energy.. begin to build up excitement, and passion... do this like a snowball rolling down hill... slowly at first, then build momentum until your build them and yourself up to your desired state.

Next you need to adjust your tempo and tonality to reflect your energy level. Speak more passionately and loudly at a slightly more rapid tempo. Perhaps then slow slightly and speak softer as you lean in and they follow to increase intimacy at the more... intimate parts of the conversation.

Using this technique you can build that 'we just have such a connection' type of rapport quickly while speaking about virtually any topic. As well as gain control and compliance in virtually all aspects of the interaction... both consciously and subconsciously.