Painfully Employed: They got it bad and that aint good

When I was 13, I heard my great aunt say that she purchased an expensive car because she hated her job and needed an incentive to stay. Years later, when I struggled with my own discontent and watched others struggles with theirs, her words resonated with me. I may have been gainfully employed at the time, but I felt painfully employed.

During my struggle, I vacillated between excitement, swinking (not quite swimming, not quite sinking) and painful employment: excited with any new opportunities, swinking when they didn’t fulfill my expectations, and painfully employed when I became too comfortable being uncomfortable.
Three words, “comfortable being uncomfortable,” and one quote, “if you don’t know what port you are sailing to, no wind is favorable,” summed up my painful employment. I produced the results, but my constant boredom and impatience had me in a cycle of discontent. I didn’t know what I wanted to do, just what I disliked doing while waiting for an undefined “something” to happen.

I wanted everyone to change but me, because rejecting responsibility by just complaining was easier than being accountable. My family and friends wanted me to find peace, not only for my sake but for theirs. Plus my dog went from covering his ears with his paws to stuffing his head under the couch cushion during my complaints. Dog hints aside, being painfully employed was all consuming for me and the people in my life. Then I started getting on my own nerves. That, coupled with the fear that my dog might suffocate, prompted me to change.

I started pursing jobs outside of my comfort zone to build confidence. I dealt with the expected, the unexpected, the crazy, the scary, the overwhelming and I survived. Through these experiences, I grew personally and professionally, gained invaluable experience and discovered the difference between surviving and thriving. Once I made the decision to change, executing was easy for me. But years later I still see that this decision isn’t easy for every painful employee (PE):

• A PE friend was ranting about her job; not only was her glass half empty, but it was cracked and the water leaking wasn’t wet enough. I asked if she could name five things that she was grateful for and she said, “No.” I said, “You have all five of your senses and you and your child is healthy -- that’s seven things in three seconds.” She walked away. I later realized that my response was equivalent to dashing a bucket of water over a fire that she had painstakingly built.

• A coworker two years out of college complained incessantly about “stupid” management decisions. I encouraged him to find another job, because he was smart but inexperienced and needed a broader perspective. This would anger him because he didn’t want to change (sound familiar?), but wanted others to. Every week he sought me out despite having hundreds of colleagues to debate his point, and I repeated my response. He eventually resigned, but returned a year later, humbled because he swam with bigger, smarter fish and didn’t receive the attention he wanted. His humbleness lasted three months until he started complaining again.

• Another PE announced twice weekly that she was looking for another job. After two years, I asked about her job search and she responded that her résumé needed updating. I offered to help her with it, but she wanted to do the first draft. She is going on her tenth year at the same job with the same complaints.

Unfortunately for some, if there is a cure for it, they don’t want it. Being painfully employed is akin to being a professional victim and, like any profession; it takes time and dedication to become proficient. The painfully employed want change without changing, and this conflict keeps them stranded in a place where they can refuse assistance, but still yell at anyone passing by.

My great aunt retired from her job after 45 years and she can still tell you how much she hated it. Although she is in a different generation, some would say the more things change, the more they stay the same. But what I would say is sometimes you have to just shut up and fish by choosing to manage change over managing pain. It’s the only way to keep personal growth from becoming your Sisyphean task.