Parenting Kids Without Punishment

Being a parent is without a doubt among the most demanding jobs on earth – that is, if you strive to be a great parent.
Like any other endeavor, though, you can slide by in parenting if you choose.
But if you do strive to be the very best parent for your child that you can be, one of the most challenging aspects of parenting kids well has to do with appropriately handling child behavior problems.
Punishment is often the first option that parents resort to. But in this parenting guide you will see how punishing children really does not teach them anything of value.
Can you punish a child into learning the alphabet? Can you punish a child into mastering a musical instrument? Can you punish a child into demonstrating higher skill in a sport? Of course not.
In fact, the more child worries about getting punished, the more nervous and insecure she is likely to be, and that will cause her to make more mistakes. It will produce lower performance.
Or, the child may become so angry about the punishment that she reacts rebelliously, gets even more wild, reckless and out of control.
Being a parent gives us responsibility for actually raising our children – meaning leading them in a way that supports their fulfillment of higher potential.
By failing to actually teach the child how to behave more successfully, punishing the child teaches the child to do a better job of not getting caught.
Parenting kids makes you an automatic role model. So by punishing your child you teach your child to be more punishing.
This means that he will feel more inclined to:
Lash out at you when he does not like YOUR behavior

Retaliate against others in a cruel way

Be too hard on himself, even to the point of self-destructive behaviorr
Being a good parent does NOT require punishing the child.
Punishing children does not teach them how to get along with others – it teaches them to get back at others. This not only sabotages their ability to form healthy relationships. It teaches them to waste their energy on pointless retaliation, energy that could be far better spent by working toward their most important goals.
Punishment models counter-productive
self-punishing behavior.
Punishing does not cause a child to feel badly about HER behavior. It causes the child to feel badly about YOUR punishing behavior, because that is what hurts her.
Disciplining effectively DOES include the use of consequences that actually provide the child with the help he needs to develop more responsible self-conduct.
Don’t restrict a privilege punitively, with the aim of making the child suffer. Restrict your child’s freedom EDUCATIONALLY by removing privileges or freedom that he mishandles or handles irresponsibly.
If your child is watching TV when he should be cleaning up a mess he left, end or limit TV privileges for a period of time. Do NOT do this to make your child feel badly. Do it because your child is mishandling the privilege. Give a child no more privileges than he can responsibly handle.
If you continue allowing the freedom or privilege that your child handles irresponsibly, you enable the child to develop irresponsible attitudes and behavior patterns.
When a child handles a privilege responsibly, he is developing responsible self-conduct. You can then increase his freedom and privileges slightly, to see if he can handle that. Testing the child in this way is an essential responsibility involved in being a good parent.