Parenting Tips for Raising Kids Successfully

How a person is in adulthood is largely influenced by how he or she was raised as a kid. A study of delinquents' backgrounds will reveal any of the following: (1) the child did not receive enough love and positive attention; (2) The child did not receive positive encouragement (children, like any of us, need validation) and worse, was subjected to humiliation, eroding self-confidence and building inferiority complex and low self-worth; (3) the child was treated cruelly by way of disproportionate anger and punishment. When kids do not get positive feedback and a nurturing environment from at least one parent, the tendency is to seek acceptance and attention somewhere else - oftentimes it's through peers. Then when they become out of control teens we think it's normal process they go through, and going through teens is the most challenging part because it is at this stage that they are in between childhood and adulthood and on the path of finding their identity. Successful parenting can be achieved by all even with single parents, and no matter what situation. Here are some sound words that can help you achieve this: (1) Give unconditional love and positive attention - love your children just for being your kids, not because they excelled in school or sports, not just because they show talent, but just for being your kids. Give them ample attention, communicate a lot, give a hug or a reassuring touch, take time to listen to them. Attend school functions. Enjoy activities with them, do things together, whether it's a fun activity or house chores. Kids love and seek their parents' attention - whether they get it in a positive or negative behavior depends on what the parents reinforce. If they don't get the positive attention and acceptance from parents, they will always seek it somewhere else, and peers are their most likely recourse. Create a stronger bond with your kids and they will always gravitate towards that bond. (2) Create a positive environment within every kid - as kids grow, they need affirmation of what they are doing, it reinforces a habit or behavior. So always keep in mind to praise good work and achievement, no matter how little those successes will be - to them it can mean so much already and this builds self-confidence. Support their interest and encourage them in what aptitude or talent you can see in your child. Conversely, when they do something wrong or unpleasant, do not just reprimand without letting them know why, and if you have to reprimand, do it as calm as possible and in private - humiliation especially in front of others creates low self-worth and resentment, and a possible start of a hostile behavior. Also, NEVER compare one kid with another. Always remember that every kid is unique and has his or her own abilities or traits. (3) Teach them responsibility: love but do not pamper - even as little kids they have to learn responsibility, like putting away their toys, making their bed, setting aside time for studies, even sharing little bits of housework - this in particular does 2 things, you teach them responsibility and it serves as a bonding activity as well. Teaching them responsibility also can be done by showing them that receiving something they want is sometimes a reward for a positive behavior, that in their little way they "worked" for what they received. It gives positive reinforcement and encouragement for a deed or action. (4) Teach them to be kind and helpful, as well as to appreciate what they have - Teaching your kid to be kind and helpful creates a gentle spirit within. Similarly, letting them appreciate whatever they have will create a positive outlook. When my kids were growing up, and we saw unfortunate or unpleasant situations, I always told them how blessed they are that they were not in the same situation but at the same time, seeing how blessed they are, they should pass it forward by kindness. The best way to show this is when they see this in you! (5) Give them the gift of inner strength, to accept mistakes, rejection and failure in a constructive way - Knowing it is normal to fail (and not being scolded for it!) and make mistakes is a good exercise to teach kids inner strength early on, that things happen sometimes and the important thing is that he or she did HIS best, not THE best, and to learn from these mistakes instead of sulking and pondering over these mistakes. Another major way we can teach our kids inner strength is by not giving in to all they want. As parents we are sometimes guilty of doing this, but instant gratification every time will not build the kids' character - rather, helping them realize that they cannot have everything they want, but explained in a loving way. (6) Put motivation in a positive perspective - when you encourage your kid to do things especially in studies, teach your kid the value of doing his best, instead of negative programming. "study or you are grounded" - this makes for a negative, short-term motivation, instead of teaching your kid the value on his future. (7) To a certain degree, involve them with the situation at hand - how you handle this will depend on the kids' age. Knowing the proper timing and manner how to say this is crucial. Are you having certain financial struggles? Serious marital problems even to the point of divorce? While these are adult problems, it can be communicated to the kid to a certain extent. This gives them a solid grasp of reality. The key here is to explain it in the least negative way possible without showing bitterness but rather acceptance and optimism. (8) Learn when to say sorry - As adults and parents we are not infallible. Sometimes a sudden burst of anger from a parent, or a false accusation, will cause a child to feel dejected. Learn to apologize to them, at the same time, this also teaches them to be humble and do the same. Successful parenting involves a lot of love, patience and communication. The key is developing a close positive relationship with your kids and they will come out as winners no matter what the situation the family is in, even in the midst of a broken marriage or divorce. We only get one shot at raising our kids - once they grow up crooked, this is hard to correct. The greatest gift we can give our kids therefore is raising them with the proper values, attitude and character. "If we die tomorrow, the company we worked for can replace us in a week; but our family will feel the loss forever. Yet we spend more time with work than with family - an unwise investment."