Part Two: What is Family Constellation Therapy?

When a Constellation is “set up,” we always try to start as small as possible. After you state your issue to the group, which generally consists of 15-20 people, I then check in with you about how you are doing. When you are ready, I tell you who needs to be represented in your Constellation. We need someone to represent you, someone to represent your father, and someone to represent your mother. In a Constellation, other people from the group are asked to represent the members of your family or the parts that are needed in a Constellation. Your physical relatives aren’t actually in the room. People who stand in for your family members are called representatives, because that is what they do—they represent those people or parts, rather than play them, as in a role play. This is a crucial distinction of Constellation work and the reason it is phenomenological. If a person were to play your mother, they would act out of their own interpretation and most likely mix their story in with yours. When people represent, as opposed to play, they are simply asked to pay attention to phenomena that occur in their bodies and souls, which leaves very little room for their ego and story to become involved. Next, you choose the people in the group who will represent you and your family members. You get up from your chair and intuitively approach whomever feels right for representing you, your mother, or your father. You stand in front of them, look them in the eye, and ask them if they are willing to represent your mother, father, and you. When someone has agreed to represent, he or she will also get up from the chair and stand and wait in a designated area until you have picked all representatives; they then stand in a row. Your next step is to set up the representatives into an actual Constellation; this is why the work received its name, as a constellation is a specific organization of elements. To begin, you place all representatives, one after the other, in different locations in the room. You do this by stepping behind each one of them, closing your eyes, holding on to their shoulders, and letting your body intuitively guide you and them to a place that feels right in the room. You might place the representative for yourself on the outside looking in, your father on the opposite side looking away, and your mother in between the two of you. Next you take a seat, and all you have to do from that point on is sit and watch what unfolds. What unfolds is often times unbelievable, almost magical, and very hard to describe in words. This is where the phenomenon takes over and the truth about your issue is most often revealed. The “strangers” that you picked to represent your family, just by means of you placing them in certain locations and relationships in the room, and by feeling what is physically and emotionally going on within them, seem to know the truth of your issue. What Hellinger observed over and over again in doing this process was that illness or disease develops in a system when the love that wants to flow naturally between all the members, whether it is within a family and organization or one person, can’t flow. A Constellation naturally starts out showing the state where love doesn’t flow and ideally ends up in a state where the love between the different elements, people and family members flows again. This resurrected flow in Constellation terms is called the resolution. Basically it can be said that when love is flowing, there is peace. All our issues are essentially a variation on the same theme, I don’t have love and I need love. Generally, a Constellation takes about 45 minutes from start to resolution. During that time, the client watches their representatives move, which changes the dynamic; they will also say certain things and the facilitator will guide them to state “healing sentences” to each other. Often times the Constellation itself will ask for things, like people being added or taken out. Shifts begin to happen within the client by simply observing what is happening, by paying close attention to the phenomenon. Let’s take our example of your father looking in a specific direction and wanting to stay focused there. As an observer, a reasonable question to ask is, what or who is he looking at rather than looking at your mother and you? Based on what you told me before the Constellation, I know your father lost his mother at a young age. I will bring a representative in for his mother and see if he has a reaction to it. The representative doesn’t know who I am placing across from him, because you and I talked before meeting with the group. One scenario could be that the father’s representative, when faced with your father’s mother’s representative, would fall on his knees and start sobbing. Such movement is a sign that in order for you to find resolution, your father has to be able to reconnect with his mother, whom he is still missing. This missing makes your father unable to look at you, or in other words, to be present for you. You, in turn, were longing for your father’s love all your life and weren’t getting it. Your soul, knowing about the state of your father’s soul, broke your heart. The pain you were feeling was not only the pain of yearning for your father’s love, but also the pain of his broken heart, caused by his early loss. In your relationships with your intimate partners, you were unconsciously looking for your father’s love. Your lovers pick this longing up unconsciously as well, and it pushes them energetically away, because on a soul level they know they can never replace your father’s love. In a way, what you are unconsciously asking of them is too much. Only when you get your father’s love from your father are you free to receive the appropriate kind of love from your lover. Only when you are receiving your father’s love will the love that you receive from a love satisfy your heart. This is a very simplified explanation of what might be the cause of your hurting heart and your relationship dilemma. But more important than finding out the cause is the actual emotional integration that is happening within you while you are watching the Constellation and the resolution. Constellations are so powerful because you get to connect with the truth of your emotional imprints, those unconscious patterns that keep you stuck in life. Often representatives feel it for you, and they can help you to move it out and through your system by letting the energy go through their own system. No talk is necessary, no mind, no analyzing. The only thing necessary is you seeing the truth about yourself and your family, your loved ones, and authentically connecting with your feelings. Click here for more information on Family Constellations. In order to have the intimate relationship you dream of as powerful feminine woman you must feel safe being your authentic self and able to powerfully & courageously co-create your life. Please visit our website for complimentary audio - 3 Simple Secrets to Shame Free and Open-Hearted Loving as Powerful and Feminine Woman - http://CarolinHauser.com. Prepare to have the love of your life.